So I broke a rule this morning. Initiated a R talk with her.
I said that every time she talks about staying she says it makes her sad, but whenever she talks about leaving she is excited and happy. She agreed.
I then said "I think that's your answer."
I know you are all thinking, "WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!" LOL
Well every time she detects I am pushing her to leave she starts saying all of the reasons she should stay. And even that she wants to stay.
Her response was: "Things are starting to balance out. When I think about staying it doesn't seem so sad. And when I thinking of leaving it doesn't feel so happy."
I kind of blew that off. "Believe nothing she says and only 1/2 of what she does."
I responded with a "Yeah but staying is still framed in terms of level of sadness, and leaving in terms of level of happiness."
I left it at that.
Back to detachment.
May have been more than 1 rule....
I said this yesterday to you..
And while you might understand the concept, the actions haven't changed ...
You passed a perfect chance to validate, and listen to her...
You still made it about YOU...
You still passed judgement because of that..
You laid a ton of guilt on her lap...
You ARE still trying to control her ans the situation...
If her answer wasn't the one that you wanted...then it was wrong....
Still....she sees this as your fix, for her problems...
How could you have handled this differently ???
How could you have shown (your actions) her how much you have changed ??
To her....it is more of the same from you...
And the reason that R talks (temp checking) is discouraged....
