Gordie #17: deliberately not divorced

[Gordie]

Mach1–no. What do I want to be when I grow up? Living one day at a time was not the answer I gave then but I think it’s okay to give that answer today. I think you misinterpreted what I wrote above. I am not pursuing. I am not showing how much I love her. I am treating her as an extended family member, not my wife.

Am I accepting less for myself? Today, yes I am. I am accepting a loveless, sexless marriage. Am I accepting this forever? No. I am accepting it for today.

I am reading one of the books either you recommended to or was on the reading list. The focus is on love and letting go of fear. Forgiveness is a central theme of the book. To love others and to extend forgivnesss to others and to self. Trying to figure out how I extend forgiveness to myself. Trying to figure out what forgiveness means when the offending party does not ask for it. Central theme is love and fear are not compatible. You can choose to love or you can choose to fear.

Andrew - yes, she has not recommitted to anything. I hope your trip went well! Yes, I explained the situation to the landlord and he let me out of the lease. I am not a good liar so just told him the truth and he was very understanding. Yes, we separated finances a while ago and I am keeping them separate. No, I have not thought of a post nup. Something for me to consider.

Roist - yes, I am back in limboland. I am neither marriednor divorced. I am okay with this right now but no, I do not see it as a permanent state. I don’t know what my timeframe is. I am taking it day by day.

Butterfly - thanks for checking on me I will journal when I have a little more time. Short answer is nothing major has changed. She is reconnecting with the kids and me but we have had no R talks. We are friendly roommates and coparents.