Newbie In Need Of Guidance #2

[CW2017]

I can only echo what Sandi's (ever wonderful) advice is pointing to.

[quote]
So, with all this I've said........I think you need to have a plan of action. By that, I mean a plan of how to deal with your WW. You said option 3 was out. Okay, so you have to choose between the other two. If you choose option 1, then you must stop snooping. If you choose option 2, then I suggest you get enough intell to back up your suspicions (if you are not completely certain). I don't think it is healthy to fall into a habit of snooping or spying, based on the results of what others have written. Once you see or hear it, it's hard to erase from your memory. Plus, some people forget the plan they are suppose to be working ......and all they focus on is snooping. Their life becomes consumed with the activity between their W and OM.

Yep, been there, got the t-shirt!

If all goes to plan with your sitch, whatever plan you go with will crystallise over time. Without dwelling on my own sitch, 8 months after a major confrontation (with no willingness on her part to leave her job, a degree of "owning", extensive MC but some sort of contact continuing afterwards which I hadn't realised) I no longer snoop, am in a relatively good place (thanks to some fantastic IC) but am ready for the nuclear option if it comes to it (and she knows this will happen). I have protected others up until now but the mental health has to come to the forefront at some point (the IC had a marvellous analogy of cabin pressure dropping, you decide to put the air masks on your family before yourself but unfortunately you don't get a chance because you're dead!).

the Best of British (as we say)!