If you think about doing everything from a position of loving her, you are going to wimp out, and lose the ground you've gained. That's just the nature of a LBH. Instead, do everything from a position of strength and honor. Not only do you need to have that mindset in order to find the man you need to be, but she needs to see you in that position in order to respect you. Doing everything from strength and honor does not mean you no longer love her. I hope this makes sense.
IMHO, it was a mistake to tell her she is welcome to stay there until she finds her own place. That seems to be all she wants, just a place to crash. But isn't it funny that she is no longer sleeping in the van and has moved to the couch? If she does get another place, I hope you won't be going by to see it, or hanging out with her. You aren't her friend. And once she's out, she should not bring her clothes over to wash, either. Let her go to BFF's place and wash, or to a laundry place.
You still love her and I'm sure it must hurt to read some things we say about her. In your heart you know it is true, but it still hurts. She has been addicted to pills for a long time. Mix a co-dependence with waywardness and it equals a disaster waiting to happen. You are getting stronger every day, and it shows in your posts. I know it hurts that she won't spend time with the kids. You can't make her be a good parent or wife. Once she is out of the house, I think you will be able to move forward a lot better. I hope you can figure out how to not depend on her for showing up or anything that requires her being responsible. In a M, it just becomes a habit, but you'll start realizing how you don't have to call to see what time she'll be there......or anything else. Just plan as if she won't be there.
It is so sad to see this take place in a person's life, but especially in a family. You are a good father. Your kids will know who takes care of them, and who loves them.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
