Wife on antidepressants, acting strange!

[Mach1]

I guess I thought that is how I showed her I loved her. I think she perceived it as me loving her. She goes back to the times that I rescued her and says "you were awesome". But now I see looking back why this wasn't healthy. Support is one thing. Taking over and not letting her face her failures just made her see me not as a mate, but a mercenary.

I don't necessarily think she wanted a father figure consciously. I think her subconscious was looking for one since she missed that for the entirety of her life.

I'm gonna sum up my thoughts on these two together...

You probably were awesome TO her....but maybe not awesome FOR her..

Mostly it was about YOUR plan to fix HER problems..

At first, it's awesome to not have to deal with stuff, then it becomes mindless for them. After a while, it can be viewed as controlling and manipulative (because the end result seems selfish to them ).

Essentially, what starts innocently, ends with feelings of depleted self-worth, and questioning the ability to make even the easiest of decisions.

I'm fairly sure that would never be your intention...just a glimpse toward the other side...

Happy, healthy marriage, no question. I am willing to give up all else except my faith in God and His Son for that.

Would you walk through hell with gasoline underoos on, if you knew that she would be waiting for you on the other side ?

And the tricky part is...

Would you make that same walk if you didn't know that she would be there ???

My gut tells me I may not have the patience or longsuffering to wait for her. Though she continues to reluctantly lean toward staying and working on the MR, she still has her fantasy of a new life at 50yo. (she turns 50 next month). Having her own place, etc. I think as I've improved things here at home (and they have been 10 times better since BD) she has started let go of that a bit, but changing your mind is hard to do. She isn't quite ready to buckle in for the long haul yet.

Well, she married you, said that she loved you, and promised forever at one time...

And now that is different..

Soooo...

She IS capable of changing her mind...


Step back away from the merry-go-round for a bit, and let this spin before you decide what you can or cannot do...

I had a lot of anger, resentment and bitterness because of the lack of sexual intimacy that started right after the wedding. The only time she really wanted to engage in sex was when she was trying to get pregnant. For the rest of the time I could count on both hands the times she really seemed to be into sex. The rest of the time it was a duty she performed like housework when she agreed to even have it. Eventually I quit trying and withdrew.

So what was going on in your head to cause these feelings ?

It's kinda unfair to lay all of that at her feet.

You cannot hold her accountable for your actions with that...

Dig deeper into the "whys" of your actions....

Agreed, and I am implementing those. As for the book, I can't find the book locally, it isn't available in digital form, and I can't order it because she will be the one to receive the package (she stays at home). I have read everything MWD has put online and I have even watched a lot of her videos. So I am on board with her methods.

Can't ?

Or it's easier to not ?

Fair question there.

If you really wanted it, then there are neighbor addresses, work addresses, friend addresses....

I read my first copy from the Library...

It has only been 2 months. No I am not there. I have given her a year (I haven't told her that). If she isn't 100% committed to the marriage by the BD anniversary date I will file for D.

Please don't timeline this...

Things will move at their own pace.

They will either work out, or they won't...

The only thing that I will say, is that I gave myself 2 years (about a month for every year we were together), before I would allow myself to make an accurate decision on my future.