Wife on antidepressants, acting strange!

[SteveLW]

Why were you like that ?

How do you think that she perceived that ??

I guess I thought that is how I showed her I loved her. I think she perceived it as me loving her. She goes back to the times that I rescued her and says "you were awesome". But now I see looking back why this wasn't healthy. Support is one thing. Taking over and not letting her face her failures just made her see me not as a mate, but a mercenary.

Why would you think that she wanted a father figure, in the form of a husband ??

I don't necessarily think she wanted a father figure consciously. I think her subconscious was looking for one since she missed that for the entirety of her life.

Archery...check
Hunter....check

So am I...

Doesn't mean that I am any less for the other things in my life...

Given the choice of a happy, healthy marriage and those activities...

Which one would you CHOOSE ??

Happy, healthy marriage, no question. I am willing to give up all else except my faith in God and His Son for that.

Hope is yours..

It isn't up to anyone else to either provide that or strip that away from you...

Especially not any "well wishing" friends.

A true friend would never tell you to move on, or just get over her...

A true friend would look you in the eye and ask you what you need from them...

What does your gut tell you ??

My gut tells me I may not have the patience or longsuffering to wait for her. Though she continues to reluctantly lean toward staying and working on the MR, she still has her fantasy of a new life at 50yo. (she turns 50 next month). Having her own place, etc. I think as I've improved things here at home (and they have been 10 times better since BD) she has started let go of that a bit, but changing your mind is hard to do. She isn't quite ready to buckle in for the long haul yet.

Why were you detached ??

That one leaves me curious....

I had a lot of anger, resentment and bitterness because of the lack of sexual intimacy that started right after the wedding. The only time she really wanted to engage in sex was when she was trying to get pregnant. For the rest of the time I could count on both hands the times she really seemed to be into sex. The rest of the time it was a duty she performed like housework when she agreed to even have it. Eventually I quit trying and withdrew.

Every situation is unique. I appreciate the perspectives. I think the only thing that will really get her attention at this point is for met to file for D. But I will give her ample time to come around before I do that. For the MR's sake as well as the sake of my daughter.

OR...

You get her attention by backing away...following the 37 rules. Being different because you ARE different..

Sounds like some things in a book by MWD...

Agreed, and I am implementing those. As for the book, I can't find the book locally, it isn't available in digital form, and I can't order it because she will be the one to receive the package (she stays at home). I have read everything MWD has put online and I have even watched a lot of her videos. So I am on board with her methods.

I want to be able to look my daughter in the eye and tell her I did everything I could to save things.

Are you there ?

After a few months, you are there ???

It has only been 2 months. No I am not there. I have given her a year (I haven't told her that). If she isn't 100% committed to the marriage by the BD anniversary date I will file for D.

As far as who Steve is, my identity is very strong. That really isn't an issue. I know a few dozen postings on a message board don't necessarily tell that story, but trust me. I am not the one with a crisis of identity. Can I make improvements? Of course.

I'm not gonna say too much about this, other than...

I always question a person that feels the need to say "trust me"...

Not saying that you are that guy...

However...

What improvements would YOU like to see within yourself ?

I have already made a lot of the improvements. I am physically present in the home, not isolating myself into a room away from the family the way I was. I am not going to spend copious amounts of time up at the hunting property like I did. I am present, happy, upbeat, positive in my interactions with her. That is a 180 in and of itself. She is a terrible housekeeper especially spending the time she has been spending on her singing app. I just let it roll off my back now, or if it bothers me I happily do it (unlike the way I would do it in the past) myself.

I guess mostly I want those changes to be permanent. I am also going to start IC. We are in MC right now but she is talking about quitting. I am actually for her not continuing since her heart isn't really in it. I think I will get more out of IC, it will help me process all of this better and deal with it better.