Wife on antidepressants, acting strange!

[sandi2]

Are you suggesting that i give her that ultimatum? Or do I just do the detach and 180?

No, I am not suggesting you give her an ultimatum.

But you know, setting boundaries and giving ultimatums are not the same.

This is a profound change in her and I don't expect it will ever change back.

Why? Look, you have reason to be discouraged, but you don't have to be defeated. As I told you earlier, I was doing much of the same behavior as your W (probably worse). I joined the board in the summer of 2007 and I am still here. Do you know why I hang around this board? When I joined I was still in an affair, but I had reached a point I wanted someone to help me sort things out. I was blessed to have the right people mentor me. I give this board a lot of credit for steering me in the right direction. My M was saved, and I am here today telling you that your M can be saved too. If I didn't believe it, I would not spend my time trying to help you.

I don't hold back much, and maybe I speak too bluntly, but I do that to get you to open your eyes and so you'll start putting your energy toward what works. I don't do it to make you give up. You said it has been the past six months she has changed the most. To me, that alone has hope.

Yes I've always been a bit of a rescuer for her. A fixer. She'd make a mess I'd clean it up. I realize now that it healthy. That she needed to learn to clean up after herself.

Okay, so start here ^^^^^^^. We learn to detach means that we stop being the rescuer. Leave her mess for her to clean up. Don't make the mistake of thinking that spoiling her rotten is showing her how much you love her. It only makes her a rotten! It's time you stop being a father to her.

Also, I have been physically detached in the marriage for so long, that detachment may not work. Yes I am trying now to emotionally detach (IE not react to her words and deeds), and she is taking notice. (Asked me again today if anything was wrong.)

You may be right about you being too detached physically. If she was left alone too much, then that may be why she started the singing stuff. And her ego was apparently wanting to be fed, too. However, that doesn't necessarily mean it was b/c you ignored her. Some people can't get enough attention. Maybe you can enlighten us a little more about your situation.