Wife on antidepressants, acting strange!

[Mach1]

You can answer if you like, the answers aren't for me anyway, they are for you...

Yes I've always been a bit of a rescuer for her. A fixer. She'd make a mess I'd clean it up. I realize now that it isn't healthy. That she needed to learn to clean up after herself.

So maybe think about why you were a fixer..

Other than the chivalry, primal male tendencies to provide and fix...

Why were you like that ?

How do you think that she perceived that ??

I know the parent-child thing has come before. And yes there were times I was parental to her. I think part of that is because of her problems with both her real father and her step-father. I think she was looking for a bit of a father figure (though I am actually younger than she is). But I am responsible, stable, reliable. All the things she didn't see in her "fathers".

Why would you think that she wanted a father figure, in the form of a husband ??

Anyway, as time is going on I am giving up hope that this will be fixed. I am starting to come to the realization that I need to prepare myself for the worst. The good news is that GAL really isn't an issue for me. I've had a life outside of the marriage. I am into competition archery and go to tournaments. I am an avid hunter and spend most of Sept-Nov (and even into Dec) up at the hunting property. GAL is really an issue for me.

Archery...check
Hunter....check

So am I...

Doesn't mean that I am any less for the other things in my life...

Given the choice of a happy, healthy marriage and those activities...

Which one would you CHOOSE ??

Hope is yours..

It isn't up to anyone else to either provide that or strip that away from you...

Especially not any "well wishing" friends.

A true friend would never tell you to move on, or just get over her...

A true friend would look you in the eye and ask you what you need from them...

What does your gut tell you ??

Also, I have been physically detached in the marriage for so long, that detachment may not work. Yes I am trying now to emotionally detach (IE not react to her words and deeds), and she is taking notice. (Asked me again today if anything was wrong.)

Why were you detached ??

That one leaves me curious....

Every situation is unique. I appreciate the perspectives. I think the only thing that will really get her attention at this point is for met to file for D. But I will give her ample time to come around before I do that. For the MR's sake as well as the sake of my daughter.

OR...

You get her attention by backing away...following the 37 rules. Being different because you ARE different..

Sounds like some things in a book by MWD...

I want to be able to look my daughter in the eye and tell her I did everything I could to save things.

Are you there ?

After a few months, you are there ???

As far as who Steve is, my identity is very strong. That really isn't an issue. I know a few dozen postings on a message board don't necessarily tell that story, but trust me. I am not the one with a crisis of identity. Can I make improvements? Of course.

I'm not gonna say too much about this, other than...

I always question a person that feels the need to say "trust me"...

Not saying that you are that guy...

However...

What improvements would YOU like to see within yourself ?