Wife on antidepressants, acting strange!

[SteveLW]

We were completely past 2005. Until this new stuff happened. My wife counseled other wives over the years since 2005 on how to avoid the EA/PA trap. "Don't invest in someone other than your spouse. Emotionally or otherwise. Keep your focus on your spouse and marriage."

In fact, she just gave this advice to someone a little more than a year ago.

Yet here we are today.

I think the biggest problem was her discovery of the singing app. Once that world was opened to her, and the flood of compliments from males started flooding in, she became addicted to it. Craved it. Wanted the attention. The first one that reached out to her on an emotional level she globbed onto. Also this was all part of her bigger MLC (which I am still convinced she is dealing with). Both of the OM have been 8 and 11 years younger than her. The guys I found her messaging on match.com were all even younger than that!

But I go back to Sandi2's wake up statements to the LBH. She is not the same girl I married. And in fact she isn't the same girl I was married to 6 months ago. This is a profound change in her and I don't expect it will ever change back.

Yes I've always been a bit of a rescuer for her. A fixer. She'd make a mess I'd clean it up. I realize now that it healthy. That she needed to learn to clean up after herself.

I know the parent-child thing has come before. And yes there were times I was parental to her. I think part of that is because of her problems with both her real father and her step-father. I think she was looking for a bit of a father figure (though I am actually younger than she is). But I am responsible, stable, reliable. All the things she didn't see in her "fathers".

Anyway, as time is going on I am giving up hope that this will be fixed. I am starting to come to the realization that I need to prepare myself for the worst. The good news is that GAL really isn't an issue for me. I've had a life outside of the marriage. I am into competition archery and go to tournaments. I am an avid hunter and spend most of Sept-Nov (and even into Dec) up at the hunting property. GAL is really an issue for me.

Also, I have been physically detached in the marriage for so long, that detachment may not work. Yes I am trying now to emotionally detach (IE not react to her words and deeds), and she is taking notice. (Asked me again today if anything was wrong.)

Every situation is unique. I appreciate the perspectives. I think the only thing that will really get her attention at this point is for met to file for D. But I will give her ample time to come around before I do that. For the MR's sake as well as the sake of my daughter.

I want to be able to look my daughter in the eye and tell her I did everything I could to save things.

As far as who Steve is, my identity is very strong. That really isn't an issue. I know a few dozen postings on a message board don't necessarily tell that story, but trust me. I am not the one with a crisis of identity. Can I make improvements? Of course.