She is still messaging- 3 times after saying she wouldn't- I am not OK being in a position competing for affection- but I don't want to push her away.
Can you expand on this? It sounds like you ARE OK with it? Like you said, you have 'caught her' several times, but there is no consequence other than your feelings being hurt. It doesnt sound like you have any intention of actually going through with separating/selling the house. So why should she stop?
Originally Posted By: mbe76
I will address the boundary issue- if she is in any way serious about wanting to save the M this needs to happen.
Boundaries are about YOU not her. It is about what you will accept in your life. What will you do to protect yourself and your emotional wellbeing? To me, it sounds like you are willing to let her do as she wants in hopes that you can 'nice' your way back in to your heart. She is openly flirting with another man and all you are doing is asking her to stop over and over and over again.
Im not saying you need to do something now. My point is that you need to read and learn and grow stronger so that when you DO start taking actions, you are coming from a place of strength.
I am so confused, she is telling me she is no longer messaging him, but I don't beleive her, I told her last night that if she wanted to fight for the M a key part of her wanting to do that is to end the affair- she then said she hasn't seen him physically for 3 weeks- but they had been messaging and facetiming but she said she will stop- I don't trust that is the case. And no, I don't think it is acceptable but what with mobile phones, facebook, twitter, whatsapp etc etc there are many more platforms for her to continue the EA with the OM- what else can I do?
I believe that a full no contact is needed. This would be sending a letter written together saying that he not contact her anymore. It could involve her moving jobs if they work together. It involves letting you have access to her phone whenever to confirm. Its about full transparency until trust can be rebuilt.
