What you have described is TEXTBOOK for spousal abuse. I don't care if he never laid a hand on you, the controlling and paranoid jealous behavior is typical for an abuser.

Abusers isolate their spouses from other people, accuse them of infidelity, contact them obsessively throughout the day to see where they are. They also often control the money so that you won't have money to leave with.

I can't believe you have seen a counselor who couldn't spot this right off the bat, it's so obvious.

Leaving an abuser can be a very dangerous moment. This is not a relationship you should stay in, but be very careful about how you move forward. Document everything that you can. Keep copies of texts and emails from him that may help show his pattern. If you decide to file for divorce, consider having a male relative come stay with you. Call a hotline for abused women to get more specific advice.

Does your H own a gun? Do you have a joint account or do you have no access to joint funds? Does it have to be a fault divorce in your state? Did the attorney give you an idea of how much child support you would receive and whether you would get any spousal support?

Try to figure out as best you can how to financially swing this. He may very well not pay support even if it is ordered so you need to plan for how you could survive without money from him in a pinch. Can you save any money now? Do you have family you could go live with in a pinch? Does he receive a regular paycheck that could be garnished for unpaid child support or is he self-employed and able to hide his income?

There is no hoping for the best in this situation, I'm sorry to say. This is classic spouse abuse and he's not going to get better unless he acknowledges his problem and gets intensive counseling (which almost none of them do). Please be extremely careful - women are killed every day by abusive spouses, usually when they try to leave. For your sake and the sake of your kids, get some serious counseling or support around this issue of spousal abuse. You want to plan your moves very carefully.