I tried joining a meet up group and will be going to something this weekend but it feels so forced and fake. The other stuff - motorcycle, test drive cars, that doesn't feel fake. That stuff feels like me. The real me. The me who used to met my husbands needs.
He says it all screams desperation. :-(
i suppose it does feel forced... it is forced... that's okay... get started... get out there... meet people... make connections so that you may have a close support network someday... once you start getting out there, GAL, you will find things that are the real you... new things... it's good to develop new interests...
as for the test drives and motorcycles feeling like the real you--how often do you actually do those activities? you can always continue to go on test drives... but do it for you... not to get your husband interested in you... it does reek of desperation... he will not be fooled... don't announce what you plan to go do, test drive or whatever... just go do it... if he finds out organically, well then, he can draw his own conclusion...
i am sure this is not the case, but the picture you draw gives me the impression that you hang on to everything he says... you wait around for him to speak... you wait until what you think is the right moment to bring up a topic to discuss... while he is away, you replay every moment in your marriage where YOU fell short, which leads you to regret... why, why, why did i act this way???????!!!!!
get busy with you... when you do this, you will not be readily available for R talks...
--artista
p.s.--i absolutely do not find it lame that you enjoyed keeping the house for your family... i love to vacuum... do dishes... fold my husband's tee-shirts...
