Newbie In Need Of Guidance #2

[sandi2]

I wrote a post yesterday that pretty lengthly, and somehow mangaged to lose it. So, this will be shorter

No, I didn't tell her I was having it towed.  I never would have dreamed she would have attempted to drive it there.  Taking care of anything outside of the house, including cars has always my responsibility.  She was throwing another tantrum, so I told her she could take it herself to set a boundary.

I'm not sure how you set this as a boundary. Have you ever mentioned it to her? An example of having a boundary of not tolerating tantrums would be, "W, I feel disrespected when you throw a fit. I will no longer tolerate you throwing tantrums with me. If you engage in an tantrum, then you will be left to your own devices". If she continues, then you would disconnect the call, and she could get the car there the best way she could. If she has no clue about you having a boundary against her tantrums......how will she learn to stop throwing them? Boundaries require that you are steadfast. You can't cave one time and be firm the next.

Originally Posted By: sandi2
"I talk and you do whatever you want to do", is her saying that she feels her views are not considered, appreciated, or respected. By ""doing whatever you want", sounds as if you look like a jerk or bully in her eyes.

Are you saying this in relation to the "You never hear what I am saying" statement or that I'm making decisions without her?  If it is the former, I can see the relation. 

Yes, that's what I meant.

Are you thinking there is a possibility she's not having an A?  There is every indication that she is, but I would love to be wrong on this

.

There is a possibility, but I suspect she is in an EA, at least. What we need to do is figure out where to go from this point.

I see three options:

1. You forget about the EA/OM and act as if you have had an awakening. You focus on becoming a better man, H, and father.
2. You confront her about the EA/OM and lay down a boundary that you won't stay in a MR with three people.
3. You do nothing, and see how it turns out.

Whatever you choose, it will be very challenging, b/c both of you are unhappy and her behavior didn't start overnight.