While separation may not be ideal, sometimes time and space is a good thing...
So basically, neither of you was meeting the needs of the other. Possibly just a breakdown, possibly passive aggressive behaviors... only you know...
You mentioned that your were controlling, at least in regards to the deer thing. I don't want a deer trophy in my house either but it is something that could probably be negotiated if it was really important to my partner.
Were there other ways you feel you were controlling or that he complains that you were?
It sounds like you were making slow progress and he told you it would be slow. However, you didn't hear what he was saying and pushed harder than he was ready for.
One of the things that we need to always keep in mind is that the spouse who wants to leave can sense what is real and what is being done as an attempt to make it better.
True change happens over time and is long lasting. That is why this is always a marathon and not a sprint.
I want you to try to stop the spinning that you are doing. For today, try to stop worrying about the marriage and what he is doing, thinking, feeling, and focus on you a bit. Do something for yourself that makes you feel good and allows you to reconnect with who you are.
Light some candles and take a bath, sit and knit something while he is at work, if the weather is nice take a walk... anything that will feed your soul.
And if you start thinking about the situation, put up a stop sign in your mind and intentionally focus on something else.
Do that and see how you feel. And after you are able to do that for one day, shoot for two...
Something about you attracted your H all those years ago. It wasn't this person you are now. What can you do to find her again?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
