Just journaling... Well it’s been another couple of months since was last here as there hasn’t been much to say...
I had filed for divorce in November, court needed copies of our birth certificates in December so passed the message on to W and got no response. Lawyer said it didn’t really matter as the court can ask her directly for it. Also said in December in mediation that W wanted to much money to buy her out of the house so we should put it up for sale. I tried to arrange a meeting with W a month ago to decide the way forward to which she replied she wanted her lawyer involved in deciding how to sell the house. I said that if she wants to do it that way, no problem, just make an appointment with my lawyer and we can sit across the table tha way. I don’t really understand this direction other than stalling (I haven’t heard anything from my lawyer regarding her requesting an appointment so am pretty sure she hasn’t done it). At the moment, I have looked for some other places but until I get the house on the market, can’t sign anything even if I see something...
I figured this would be simple as we would both be wanting the best deal possible and therefore working towards the same goal, apparently not
I haven’t had any response from W in the last month regarding the divorce or the house. There was 1 mediation session were she said that she guesses this marriage is really over.. found it weird as she has done nothing in the last 2 years to even suggest that she was trying to make it work...
Potential OM seems to be all talk, kids hardly see him, W apparently said to them that they may get together in 13 years time when youngest is 18. Even when the kids have seen him, he shows no interest in them at all (although that could also be said about W).
Boundaries seem to be a big issue with W, not being able to contact me at any time of day or night (especially during the night) is a major problem for her. Has tried most mediation sessions trying to get that changed because she doesn’t agree with it..
Other things to come out in mediation is that W wants me to give her information regularly about the kids by text or email even though, as I explained to her, she doesn’t do anything with it, she doesn’t offer to help out if he kids are sick so I explained that if she isn’t interested in helping the team (as she likes to say we should be) then why would I. I tried explaining that I have asked for her help in the past and been let down each and every time so I don’t bother contacting someone I can’t rely on... Her response to this is to say I’m negative and don’t understand her...
Some days I feel at a loss of what to do, I feel like I tried (in the past) to do things to include her and she was either never there or said since we are not together anymore, she doesn’t feel the need to get to know me or give hope to the kids.
In the past year I have just looked after myself and the kids, cut as much contact as possible, filed the divorce paperwork and will sell the house and I get accused of not being a team player etc etc...
I’ve told her to go be free but at the same time let me go free... this seems to be a problem... I have met several women over the past year, a common theme though is that because my divorce is not final and the house is not sorted, it’s a little bit of a sticking point. Yet no one seems to understand what W wants and why she seems to be slowing everything down, most of our mutual friends are starting to turn away from W now due to how W speaks to them and how much she talks about herself. W rarely asks how they are doing. W has also been told to ‘grow up’ by some of them which I know will not have gone down well with W...
Sometimes reading here, I actually envy the ones that get this cut quickly. Not that it hurts less or anything, just have the impression the real healing can get done..
Personally, I do feel good, had a relapse with my health in the fall after the court case when she tried to reduce my custody of the kids but getting back. Have met more people who have had stress breakdowns and continue to learn better coping mechanisms, have a meeting with a friend who teaches yoga to learn about breathing as it is my biggest struggle when stressed. My breathing goes very shallow and heart starts racing. Her boyfriend went through something similar she it’s great that she understands and knows how exactly she can help me.
Also continue to join new groups, meeting new people from different walks of life. Need to create some goals for this year, has been something I have got away from and understand how it sets me back.
