I was so wrong to tell my husband he couldn't have a deer head trophy in the house and couldn't butcher a deer here. I wasn't being a supportive wife but a controlling Bwitch. Why did I do that? I love my husband and I really want him to be himself and be happy.
As for physical touch. Its not my love language but I loved touching my husband but again its a matter of getting comfortable, complacent and the drama of his ex and kids, etc.
My love language is words of appreciation. I tried to tell my husband I needed to hear ILU's but he would state "I show you that I do by my actions". I got flustered he would with hold what I needed. He would complain that he would say it and I would do something hurtful and he would regret saying it???
He has come to me over the weeks and stated he wasn't getting his needs met from me so he has nothing to fill my needs with - such a vicious cycle but I understood what he meant.
I want to be the woman he married - I met his needs and left him feeling fulfilled. That's who I am. I just want to get back to her. I miss her.
I've been touching him as much as he will allow. He sometimes recoils from my touch and that stings. Sometimes he will let me rub his back but its like it doesn't do anything for him anymore. He hasn't reciprocated in weeks. He hasn't touched me, hugged me, rubbed my shoulders in weeks and I just ache for it.
I realize I have been doing to much and its probably making his head spin which is why I wanted to go out alone on Sunday but then he was checking up on me?
He left for work last night and said goodbye. No texts. No calls. I don't see him again until tonight for 20min when I've made dinner for him. He is distant. He actually leaves for work earlier than he needs to but sits in our driveway for 15min on his phone - texting/gaming? He wasn't talking on it.
My husband asked once to go MC years ago. There was a lot of drama with his ex and his kids being with held. We tended to shout more at each other at that time with disagreements. I was probably a little inflexible about something and closed off. I wouldn't talk about my day (I was in a difficult situation with a drug addicted employer). My husband said we needed counseling and I didn't take him seriously and he even said maybe I needed counseling - that I needed to talk to someone. UGH... he never mentioned it again. I didn't realize he was serious. I thought he was just frustrated.
I'd wish we had gone then and I think he does too. Now, he doesn't care and doesn't want to go.
I knit anything and everything - hats, scarves, blankets, sweaters... its my therapy!!! However, its hard to do. Its painful to think my husband feels that I chose to sit and knit rather than hold his hand.
I want to save my marriage but I get from lots of people that I'm just in denial. I've been reading and so far everything I read says separation is not ideal in saving a marriage but I'm so lost right now.
