I appreciate all those warnings that my H is fooling on me. They keep me grounded. And I take all advice to focus on myself very seriously and I know that I have to do that anyway. Nevertheless, please don't mind if I still wish to reconcile with my H, I wish it firmly convinced and from the bottom of my heart.
I have realized so many times that trying to persuade him in which way ever leads to the most contrary effect. I really have to stop that. At this very moment, I am tempted to initiate a relationship talk with him, but I have decided to rather write in this forum instead. So I am thinking about your question, Parkema, what a 180 would be in my case. I already do all things to suppress my feelings of despair and anger in front of him and to not chase him in what way ever, that is not asking for unnecessary help, not initiating unnecessary talking, not following him around the house and so on. I enjoy a lot of things on my own, especially in the evenins, and try to keep being upbeat all the time.
Living under one roof, we prepare meals together, have common meals and activities with the kids. On these occasions, we do not fall silent, but have a lot of nice smalltalk about children, politics and friends and avoid all relationship related topic - like we always had. I wonder whether this is an issue regarding the 180. On the other hand, it is good for the kids who definitely shouldn't live in a family with Mom and Dad behaving like enemies or keeping silent all the time. I think the true problem is that I tend to misunderstand and misuse a good atmosphere in order to get some positive signals from my H and to persuade him that reconciliation is a better solution than moving on with separation. And then the good atmosphere is gone. So I am proud that I did not do this a few minutes ago. I have no idea what else to do within my 180 or LRT diet. I am reading the relevant chapters in the DR and DB books again and again. Stop pursuing and be patient really sounds so reasonable. Still I feel so unsecure. There are so many contradictions. Pursuing and being impatient doesn't work at all and motivates him to move on with separation faster. Not pursuing and not being impatient makes him slowing down moving on with separation, but also seems to make slowly moving on with separation even easier for him - no resistance from my side any more. I do not know how to join these effects of 180/LRT.
