10. Do not spy on spouse by checking emails, phone bills, etc. (Not good for you and will make matters worse.)
I am a lifelong IT guy and have multiple ways to check up on her even if she doesn't want me to. Any thoughts on how to best stop being obsessed with snooping/spying?
What information have you learned from the access that you have? What is the result of any further spying?
To me, it's like touching a stove. Sometimes it takes a while to learn that it's hot.
I remember when my XW and I had shared phone records. I could go on and see every time she made a call. At some point, I discovered that she was talking to OM for hours a day on the phone. I used to check those records two or three times every day to see whether she had called him. She never agreed not to. It was just me seeing whether she was going to pick me and our marriage. And every time I saw that number it was like a dagger in my heart. She had already made the call...I wasnt going to talk to her about it...It was just me spying. The only person getting hurt from my spying was me. The only impact that the spying had was to hurt me.
Eventually, I decided that I didnt want to hurt myself anymore.
I totally get that. And agree. Yet I still have a compulsion to do it! I need techniques to redirect myself whenever I want to go spy/snoop. I don't do it every time. Maybe once out of every 10 thoughts to do so, in whatever capacity I have to do it (which is several different avenues). I am closing those capacities over time, but when that 10th time strikes it is so hard not to do. Even if it just a demand for her to unlock her phone and hand it to me. I KNOW I KNOW, pursuing tactic.
Someone please give me a technique that works, if such a technique exists.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
