I don't want a divorce

[AnotherStander]

Hello KitCat, I'm going to apologize in advance if this seems harsh but I think you need some 2x4's:

He wants out - he wants to be alone. He knows I want him home. He says he keeps trying to tell me and he doesn't know what else to say.

Have you read DR? Because what I'm reading in your thread is a whole lot of pursuit behavior and almost zero DB'ing! You have got to back off and leave him alone.

In the last 2 months I've tried to get him to go to the Harley dealership with me.

Stop this kind of stuff. You CANNOT buy him back into the M. He will of course happily go and write a check that puts you both on the hook financially, but then he will still leave. ALL big financial decisions have to stop for a while. He may leave at any time and drastically change your financial situation.

He says he still can't have a garden currently. And, I agreed. Not at this house I said but that can change.

Again, you can't buy him back into the M. No more of this talk. He has got to learn to miss you before he'll think about coming back, and right now you are making yourself Plan B and he knows it. He will never learn to miss you as long as you are Plan B.

I can hear he is on the phone... getting prequalified for a mortgage.

My heart sinks.

I try to remind myself he hasn't left yet.

He's already checked out. He may be there physically, but mentally he's done already. I'm sorry you're going through this but you need to accept this so you can go about embracing DB'ing and moving forward with your life.

I know now my husband needs the truck. He would get into too much trouble with the Challenger. We both liked the same truck the best!

Ask yourself this- if you knew 100% that we would be gone within a month, would you be shopping for cars and motorcycles with him and telling him to buy one? I would hope not. That's the way you've got to start thinking. You're trying to "gift" him back but like I said above, that never, ever works.

We talk some and he simply asks so new motorcycle and truck? I said well maybe not at the same time but why not? My husband works hard and deserves some nice toys!

{slaps forehead}

So he said I wouldn't put his name across my breasts? I said if it was that important to you I'd consider it.

I've been on these forums quite a while and yours is the worst case of "denial" I think I've ever seen. Please understand your H is two feet out the door and will likely be gone soon. ALL of this behavior of yours is 100% pursuit and absolutely the wrong thing to do. Do you really want to be a year down the road with a huge tatt of your EX HUSBAND'S name emblazoned across your breasts? Do you know how many women have done that because "I thought it would show him my commitment and bring him back" and instead they just have an ex out there somewhere laughing it up with his buddies over how he "branded" his ex before dumping her for good?

I wonder if the tattoo question was just to see if I would do anything he asked? Like I'm trying so hard to win him over I don't have a backbone?

That's definitely how he sees it.

I think deep in my heart he is throwing me breadcrumbs and I'm trying to make a cake out of it.

EXACTLY!!!!