Some books ordered... No more Mr Nice Guy Codependent no more(actually found it in finnish!) The Science of Likability Superhuman Eye Contact Make your bed (already got it) You are a bada$$ (already got it)
These should keep me busy for a while.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
P...I agree with L. She is still occupying way too much of your head space. Continue to work on detaching. You will probably never know the reason why any of this is happening to you. It is hard but there are many things in this world that happen of which we never get the answers to. Why should this be any different?
W texted me on saturday. She thanked me for everything. Said that she has learned alot about herself during this S/D. And that she is still in the process with herself.
I asked a clarifying question. Does she mean the process she talked in the very beginning? She is lost with herself, as a woman.
She replied yes, that too.
So that brings me to the question is this more MLC/other personal/age crisis than WW? I know it doesn't change anything.
It doesn't mean squat!! Just like the other b.s. she gave you. What does that mean to lose yourself as a woman? Nothing! She read or heard that garbage at the beauty saloon or wherever........and figured it sounded ultrasheik & modern, but those type of "explanations" for a woman breaking up her family have been around since the 60's.
She didn't know how to say good-bye, and that trash sounded as good a way as any to end it. But you are the one that keeps making too much of what she says now. You are straining and weighing every word that comes out of her mouth. Why? When you've been told not to believe what she says. I know you are still trying to figure it out, but you can't, Petri. And when you ask her these type of questions, well it makes you look like you're glued to her every breath.
No, she was not speaking in some mysterious language. No, she is not in more crisis or a different crisis. However, you will be in one, if you don't stop trying to make sense out of nonsense. I mean, you even stumped her by your question of clarification. B/c it is all b.s. coming out of her mouth.
You can't fix crazy. Just let it be, and stop trying to figure it out.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I know you are right. Detaching is hard. No matter where I am I can smell her, stumble on her shoes etcetc(I can't GAL all the time) That's why I need to get rid of this f-ing house. Start my own life. Be a better me. One that nobody thought could even exist anymore.
Don't say "why the pain". Don't say "why me". Say "try me"!
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
Some books ordered... No more Mr Nice Guy Codependent no more(actually found it in finnish!) The Science of Likability Superhuman Eye Contact Make your bed (already got it) You are a bada$$ (already got it)
P,
All these books are great but don't mean $hit if you are not putting what you learned into action.
Also, I read that you only retain about 10% of the information what you read in a book so you may have to read these books ten times to retain all the information.
Then I must read these books ten times over and do what they tell me to do. Nothing will change unless I don't change. Now I say enough is enough. Now I take time for me. I have to be a little selfish if I want my kids to have the greatest dad ever. Now it is time to work on me. Forget about W and MR and OM. When I'm done with me, I'm the best me there will ever be.
Somehow I'm a little hyped now...but now is the time.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
Then I must read these books ten times over and do what they tell me to do. Nothing will change unless I don't change. Now I say enough is enough. Now I take time for me. I have to be a little selfish if I want my kids to have the greatest dad ever. Now it is time to work on me. Forget about W and MR and OM. When I'm done with me, I'm the best me there will ever be.
This is all great stuff! Now stop fuching talking and start doing!
Great that you have start taking steps towards GAL. Good mindset is to focus only to things what you can control (cannot control W, she does what she does) and develop yourself into a Man that if she goes, it´s her loss. You need to become a seller, not a buyer. That´s my precept anyways, some days easier to execute, some days harder. That´s actually the idea behind my pseudonym "GettinThere" as well - I´m on a journey in making a good life for myself, either with my WAW or by myself. Getting there, step by step.
I myself have been lurker here for few months now, but decided to register in just because of you. I´m also from Finland and if you want to discuss with a guy in Finnish who is experiencing similar situation just PM me and we´ll throw couple of emails or schedule a call.
Also, I want to use this opportunity to give credits to all great people at this forum who are struggling with personal challenges and taking time to help others simultaneously. You possess great wisdom, thank you for sharing that.
Ok Started reading the You are a bada$$ book. I suggest to stay away from it. While I was reading it...it was like W talking to about her reasons. "I have this feeling so I have to do this in spite of tearing our family apart." The book is based on Law of Attraction. What you feel is the true reality. And if you act on these feelings and going gets tough it is all about The Universe testing you if you REALLY want it. People people! It is a cognitive distorsion! If your both, concious and subconsious, awarenesses are not involved in making the decision...it is a wrong decision.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
