Thanks for giving me a good glimpse of what is possible on the other side.
Of course!
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I am looking forward to getting to a place where I will be ready to venture out in the dating world. Right now I am just focusing on my goals and meeting people and being social.
Great focus! That's actually kind of an interim step to preparing yourself for dating, because you have to get past that "husband" mindset first (which is tough after you've been married a long time).
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I am making some financial adjustments soon and joining this xfit gym by summer - there is absolutely no doubt about that. My blood pressure is in range now and that is what I was worried about most - I didn't want to crap out during a workout and end up in emergency.
The workouts can be very, very taxing and there will be men and women there that are way above your skill level. And of course your tendency is to try and keep up with them (or at least mine was!) But just try to keep in mind that none of them started out at that level and scaling workouts back is completely acceptable. Even now having done it almost 2 years I rarely do workouts at the "RX" level. If you start feeling really winded then slow down! Whenever I start thinking I'm lagging too far behind the others I stop and ask myself "but are YOU getting a good workout?" Because that's all that really matters.
As a side note, one of my goals since starting there was to be able to do a bar muscle-up (in Crossfit it's kind of a "holy grail" to be able to do them). I kept trying and failing over and over again. Finally I was like "OK this isn't working, let's get back to basics." So I talked to guys there that could do them and asked for advise, I watched YouTube videos, and I came up with progression exercises. I quit trying to do them and instead worked on progressions in the gym before and after workouts (starting about a month ago). Yesterday one of the coaches opened the gym for a while (no set WOD, you do whatever you want on Sundays) so I went up there and was warming up with some progressions. I felt pretty good so decided to try again and did one so smoothly and easily it left me wondering why I had ever had trouble with them. And once I did one it just clicked in my head, I ended up doing a dozen mixed in with other stuff before I left for the day.
^^^ And I share that because for me that's what DB'ing is too, if what you are doing is not working then stop and go back to basics. Work on the smaller steps first, and then later the big steps won't seem so big after all.
Originally Posted By: Maika
But somehow, emotionally, I am just feeling a bit stuck lately. I don't understand why I am kinda hung up. I think it's just my depressive tendencies kicking in and I need to go chat with my IC to figure out strategies to manage it.
I am trying very hard to focus on myself being the prize and not Plan B. I just need to feel better about myself and self affirmations and self compassion needs to happen daily.
You're about 9 months post-BD now, for me that was just about the time that I started coming to grips with the fact that my M was not just going to "go back to normal" at some point and I was having to come to grips with establishing a "new normal". Part of that is figuring out who you are, what you want, and how you are going to go about that. It's a transition phase and there's a lot of soul-searching and confusion that goes with it. Try not to think of it as "being stuck" but rather as another step in the process of becoming who you will be moving forward.
