Thank you sandi. I guess my situation is different in that my wife isn't doing anything to leave. Routinely talks about staying and even talks about future things that involve our family. its all very confusing. And while you were right in saying that she's on to OM2 in an EA, from the messages I saw it was more him than her. Though she admitted she could have told him to knock it off and did it.
She firmly has one foot in and one foot out of the marriage. And she's not your typical WW. She's different abd responds differently to different tactics. Do i have to tread carefully.
Frankly, this doesnt sound that unique. To me, it sounds less like 'one foot in' and more like 'one foot remaining'. One phrase Ive heard here is that a monkey doesnt leave a branch it's holding until it has another one to swing to. That sounds like your W to me from what you describe. Most of the Ws here have already found the next branch and have let go; yours seems to be looking but isnt making any indications of holding on to the one she has for the long haul. I mean, she knows and can see how much distress this singing app has brought to the marriage, and yet, it's so important to her that she cant let it go?
Im not saying you need to kick her out or go to LRT. I am saying that you need to start with "the 37" and really take them to heart. You need to BE the most attractive option.
Thanks, I agree with everything you say. I've even talked to her about this. She claims that she wants no real relationship with anyone. That the "flirting" online she has engaged in recently is more just fulfilling a need to flirt without the pressure or expectation of it going any further since she has chosen to engage in that with these guys that live so far away. When I pointed out that they didn't have two nickels to rub together and therefore are in no position to be a "branch to support her". She quickly came back with that she isn't looking for anyone to take care of her. That getting her own job and getting her own apartment is how she is going to take care of herself. Again, she is taking no action towards doing any of that.
So yes she is WW, but not in the same way so many others here seem to be dealing with. Maybe it was because I caught it early? (As I've stated in earlier posts in this thread.) Maybe if I had remained oblivious I would have been slammed in the face with the reality that she had found another branch to jump too.
We've had discussions about the app in the last few days. The thing is that it does make her happy to sing, and I can't really tell her I want her to be happy and not want her to use the app. She claims that her time spent on the app is 95% just singing, and she can handle the 5% that is the social side without crossing any lines. However, I need to move into the IDC territory on this. As you say, instead of trying to root out all of her other choices, just make myself the best choice I can be.
You mention the 37? I haven't seen that reference before. Can you point me to a reference for that?
Operation Detachment begins today.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
