Picking up Her MESS #2

[marina7]

Journaling,
Having a great time with S9 and D9 and S8 last night I tuck kids to bed s9 gave me a big hug and squeeze he said I miss ya so much I said you know we do buddy we will be here. I promise am working on getting you home. S9 ask to pray with him we did and he ask God to mankes his mommy communicate and get along and for his other mom to be nicer to me and one day he ask God bring my FAMILY together. I stood quite and just said Amen. S9 said mom can you ask Mom if I can stay No school and your birthday I of course told myself I was going celebrate a day early and just pretend no birthday on Monday. S9 beg please call her or text her for me please please.

I of course slept on it. I woke up while cooking breakfast I was listen to Christian music. S9 and D9 came down they ask did she say YES. I responded I'll let you know. While cooking I sent W a text saying.

Me- Good morning, s9 ask if he could stay no school and birthday wanted to take them to car show like every year I do.

W-Good Morning, although I feel very conflicted about this for many reasons like you not letting me see the kids for Christmas.
I would like to speak with him so, please have him call me. I will oblige, hoping that in the future the same courtesies are extended to me. While also of course, approved by our attorney.

I Ask myself why am I so hurt with this why did I expect ger to say Yes. And her lying about Christmas not even once she called. If W knew we stood home for Xmas if she did come by or stop by on xmas day we where home. I think she came on the 23rd when I wasn't home and never gave me a head up she was stopping by. But w feels to lie about her coming when only God knows w didn't even call.

As much it hurt s9 ask am staying right mom. I responded I tried but other mom made plans sorry kid. He look very sad. I of course went to bathroom cried a good 10min and got myself together I guess there will never be a co parent with W. I know am trying for my kids. But W doesn't care.

I could have responded.
Hey on your birthday last minute you text me saying I want them 10am till 3pm I oblige I literally jump. But this was around July when I had all three when W went M-I-A I didn't say No.

But why even bother going back and fourth with W. I just responded I'll have him back at normal schedule.

God give me strength to keep me strong am losing all hope. To even try to co parent for my kids.

S9 wanted to call W saying I want to tell her I want to stay I said is ok buddy.

Knowing W she'll think I sent him. Because anything I do am the A**hole always so I said No hun please let's enjoy the couple more hrs we have baby.

This [censored] when I became a parent I didn't ask to be away frommy kids I knew what I sign up for. And it was to be full-time parent not part-time. Lately I been emotionally down.