I've scanned your story in brief cause I'm just so busy with my kids I struggle for time, so please accept my apologies if my two cents are not helpful at all. But, my W had depression and physical issues etc. I was convinced this caused all her problems. We were together for 17 years, childhood sweethearts, she was a respected member of the community and had no real marital issues out of the ordinary. Its been nearly 6 months since she abandoned me and our young kids for another man. Still have not got a clue how long the A was going on for, but by all estimates on and off for 2 years.
In the beginning, I was devastated to say the least. Now I'm still hurting, but I can honestly say she has set me free. I day dreamed about her turning up at the door full of apologies and remorse. Now I keep my doors locked on the chance it could happen. I am a man of morals, she is not, full stop! I know now I have loved the idea of who I thought she was, not the women she is. Do I wish it was different, yes! But it isn't and never will be, I am mourning the loss of what might have been, but it was a pipe dream that blew up the second she confided in another man and had her needs met elsewhere.
I realize this is a militant approach, but I so wish I had not danced for her in the beginning shouting pick me, and instead did the conga in the other direction!
