My husband is changing some our history but I left him feeling "starved".
I got a really rough to read heart felt text on where my husband is emotionally on Friday. He wants out - he wants to be alone. He knows I want him home. He says he keeps trying to tell me and he doesn't know what else to say.
I tried to validate that I can see why he is so frustrated. When I came home 30min later I didn't bring up the text. We started talking about a bill I paid and he got angry that I didn't listen to him. Apparently he wanted to watch me to be sure it was paid? That was difficult. I know deep in his heart he doesn't think I listen to him and that I follow what he prefers or wishes and I just do my own thing.
He opened up and said he is just so stressed out. He is completely stressed out. I can't say how many times he used the term stressed. The commute is killing him. I mentioned that I just want to send him off on a solo road trip to go clear his mind but he responds we can't afford it - we can. It would mean not meeting a goal of paying off something but we will be nor worse for wear. I can't stand seeing him feeling like he is under so much pressure.
In the last 2 months I've tried to get him to go to the Harley dealership with me. He used to try to get me to go and I would always try to skirt because the last thing I thought we needed was a $30k new debt. I've got him to look online with me once but he even just the day before says he will never take me to Harley dealership because I've never wanted to before now.
Suddenly after mentioning sending him on a trip to see an army buddy he gets up and says he is hungry. He asks how long I have before I have to get back to work - I've got time. He says you want to go the Harley dealership? Uhm... yes please.
We get to the dealership. He shows me types of bikes. He won't even look at the bike I could ride with him (he's not there anymore I guess) but looks at a bike that could make his commute more pleasurable for him. He talks bikes with the sales guy... I'm clueless but pleasant. He looks at a couple and then asks me more than once which one did I like? He wants my opinion??? What color do I like? I tell him. He agrees that he likes that one too.
We leave to grab some lunch and he is asking me again what color I like and I ask him what color he likes. We start talking about how much a payment would be and while waiting for lunch he says it doesn't matter I can't afford it now. I tried to point out it could put some joy into that commute and maybe we can't afford NOT to buy one. He says he still can't have a garden currently. And, I agreed. Not at this house I said but that can change.
I look at it as a positive day. He goes home to sleep and I go back to work. I get home in time to get him up and send him to work. Not much is said cause he is exhausted.
Today - Saturday he comes home just as I am getting up for work. I let him know I'm leaving and when I get home I'm surprised that he is still awake. I can hear he is on the phone... getting prequalified for a mortgage.
My heart sinks.
I try to remind myself he hasn't left yet.
I change my clothes and when he is off the phone I let him know I'm heading out. He asks where. I tell him I'm going to go test drive cars. He is confused and says why. I just reply that we have spent the last few months discussing this car and that. Not to mention he has been making printouts of vehicle specks. Every time he has wanted to go in the past I wasn't up for it. I've never ridden in a Challenger so I don't know its appeal. He is still caught off guard. I ask him if he wants to go. He mumbles something but I can see him getting up. I know he is hungry too so mentioned about grabbing something to eat again.
We get to the dealership. Okay - I know squat about cars. My husband is a car guru. He kind of hangs back wondering what it is I'm really going to do. I walk into the dealership and said I wanted to look at the Challengers... of course my husband says you don't have an SRT with scat pack to the sales guy. We go and walk to what they have. Again, my husband hangs back to see how I'm going to handle this. Of course not well... I'm like gee, its a car with 4 wheels! Yeah, I'm dumb. But I get into the car and I ask about a test drive.
Well we ended up driving 4 different vehicles. First was a nice truck! Second was a bigger truck. Husband took time to explain differences and why one was better than other on some things. The we drove the Challenger.... :-) My husband knows how to drive a car!!!! We were both laughing/giggling.
I know now my husband needs the truck. He would get into too much trouble with the Challenger. We both liked the same truck the best!
We went to eat. My husband has now been up for nearly 24hr - he is wiped out. So lunch is quiet. We talk some and he simply asks so new motorcycle and truck? I said well maybe not at the same time but why not? My husband works hard and deserves some nice toys! At lunch I order a beer... shocks my husband again as I haven't had a beer in idk 7yr?
On the way home he randomly asks "so will the NEW you be getting a tatto?". I smiled and said I don't know but I doubt it as I thinks it hard to decide on what I would want to look at forever. So he said I wouldn't put his name across my breasts? I said if it was that important to you I'd consider it. Its been a sore spot for some time that I didn't take my husbands name when we married. Don't get me wrong I take no offense in anyone calling me MRS. H's last name but I've gone by my professional name for 24yr now and changing it would have been a little problematic. Seeing now years later how hurt he is by it I wish I would have put more thought into it. I assumed he understood.
Anyway. He sees I'm doing things differently. Who knows if that is helping or hurting my stance on saving my marriage.
I wonder if the tattoo question was just to see if I would do anything he asked? Like I'm trying so hard to win him over I don't have a backbone?
My husband doesn't have a tatoo. I asked if he ever thought about getting one - he has but then he has always sobered up! Said one thing about getting one when he reached a goal. Lord help me I couldn't bring myself to ask him what the goal was. To be honest I was afraid I would find it hurtful or take it personally. I let the conversation go.
I get home and he is wiped out. He could have just crawled into bed but he returns to the kitchen to get undressed in front of me and when I make comments about flaunting something he seems to enjoy teasing me. He then starts grabbing at my pants and asking if they are yoga pants because they seem a little baggy at the hips. I remind him that I've lost a lot of weight but I'm not ready to go out and buy new work out clothing yet.
One thing lead to another and he notices that I'm wearing sexy underwear. I said I do everyday unless at work. Its one of my changes! :-) We have sex. Its not bad for a man who has been awake for 24hr. I tuck him into bed and leave to go to grocery store.
So he has now joined me twice in activities that a month ago he said he would't because I wasn't interested in before. He knows I'm making changes but again I know its not been long enough where he feels it won't revert back.
I think deep in my heart he is throwing me breadcrumbs and I'm trying to make a cake out of it. Point being the really harsh text I got where he wants nothing more than be out of this house and our marriage and today - trying to prequalify for a mortgage.
