Picking up Her MESS #2

[marina7]

Journaling,
Wow I'll be 40 on Monday,not what I thought at 40 my W wouldn't be with me.

Today on FB memory lane 1yr ago W wrote me a beautiful letter while she was at work. W said I am a lucky woman and in the letter writes how I am her soulmate and sees us growing old. And in a text message last year this same day W says let's have another baby let's do it and I reply Yes and W respond with heart kisses emoji. Wow I question what happen.

Another big day if my life on Monday and W is not there. W abandon the people she claim to LOVE more than LIFE and hurt the most precious gift God gave us our kids.

At one point I would have done anything to get my W back but I ask myself over and over how can I even try when she hurted the 3 most little people I LOVE. I spend hours and hours reading here and reconciliation doesn't seem to be crack up as we think it will be. I think that will be the hardest battle I will have to fight if W wants to come back. I know I LOVE her and will always but the question is, Is W good for US is not just me is 3 other little hearts.

Last night W came up in dinner table as I and kids always pray before eating, I ask God to always protect W and guide her back to his loving arms (god) and lead W in the right path and guide her to the light. While praying tears running down my face. D9 wipe my tears and said mommy don't hurt anymore, mommy doesn't LOVE us or cares about us only herself. In my mind I said when did daugther get so wise. I said to d9 is tears of sadness because I know W was an amazing mom and W once, remember d9 you always pray for everyone no matter if they done you wrong you always be the better person. D9 says I know mom I just wish you get married and forget W I replied it won't be that easy because my heart still loves W. D9 said I know but mom doesn't deserve it. Again when did d9 get so wise.

So I ask that question what if W wanted to come back home to US s8 eyes lighted up and said you mean the old mommy not the mean one right I said yes the old mommy we know s8 said yes we be a family again.

D9 said No I said why d9 respond was no matter what you never leave your kids or hurt them mom did both and she hurted you alot. So NO. S8 glare at her I responded we all have our opinions and is ok. But W is not coming back I just wanted to know ya thoughts, d9 smirk she loves her NEW life and OW to much. My heart drop and I said alright change of conversation.

Then we proceeded how they wanted to bake me a cake and they wanna cook dinner this weekend is all about me I said ya can't cook is fire there reply well peanut butter and jelly and ham and cheese or salad it doesn't require stove. So I guess super Dama will be having amazing dinner lol xoxoxo wish I could post pictures.

I been ask be friends how do you do it. My answer my kids are my purpose now I know why God bless me with them. I needed them more than they needed me.

Well let's see how today exchange go let's see if W is nice today it is my birthday weekend. Keeping fingers cross.

Question can we post our FB or Instagram user name so we can see faces of who we are.


A day at a time....