H prefaced his comment about dating with "maybe you don't really understand where I'm at.." After the comment I replied "believe me, I know where you're at..."
I have been wondering, since BD, if there was someone else. In the past when he has made comments about me needing to give more attention and affection (I don't think I lack in that area as much as he thinks, but then again, maybe I do, or maybe he just doesn't like sharing my attention with all the kids). Anyway, in the past he has had a PA, and an EA, both situations were similar, but he never said he was done trying. For a few months now he has been increasingly buried in his phone, at very inappropriate times.
I really can't tell if he is dating already, he's been working late a lot, but comes home like he just got off work (he works heavy construction, so he's dirty). I just don't know. He's been making friends with single guys at work, which is unusual for him. So maybe he wants their life.
Anymore... yes I cry, a lot. But I am just so emotionally drained. For my mental health, and to help the kids through, detaching is becoming easier.
I love him dearly, forever, and I want to have a life with him. My IC asked me today what I would do/say if he told me right now that he wants to be with me. First, I would say it's going to be a long road, you've hurt me more than you can imagine, more than I would wish on the most evil person on earth. Other than that, I don't know.
