Well, it's your business and your life, of course, but I have to ask why you would want to set up the bird nesting arrangement. Maybe I misunderstood, but I thought the reason you were staying with your parents was b/c you could not afford to pay for two separate places. What if she doesn't work enough to pay her share of the expenses? Here's the thing. You will be sharing both places with her. You may not be together at the same time, but you will still be sharing dwelling places. You'll be there with her personal, intimate belongings, and seeing traces of what she did while you were gone. She will probably be dating someone, may even have friends over......maybe someone you don't know anything about. So, are you really prepared to share two living spaces with her? How well do you think you'll be able to detach when you cannot escape from from seeing traces of her everywhere you try to have space for yourself? Do you follow what I am saying here?
You spoke of her options being limited, so are you considering this as an option for her? How long do you think this type of arrangement will hold? I have a hard time understanding how it will benefit you, or how this helps the situation. Would it not be better for one of you to have your own place, instead of sharing both places? I get what you mean about the kids, but realistically, the parents are not going to continue to nest until the kids go off to college. One of the parents, and likely both of them, will eventually live with someone new, if they don't reconcile. I'm just throwing this out there so you will see other view points before making a decision.
Speaking of detaching, as much as you are over at the family home, I kind of doubt you are anywhere close to emotionally detaching from your W. I may be mistaken, but it's a wild guess. There are a lot of times you stick around to have dinner with them. IMHO, it would be good to decline most of those invitations.......due to having other plans (GAL). If you are going to be a separated couple, maybe it's time to start playing the part more. Don't be so available to her needs all the time. You need to get busy GAL.
Have you seen anyone since the breakup? Do you currently do anything with your buddies, or engage in activities where you will meet new people? Do you have a hobby or are you involved in a sport or activity that takes up part of your free time?
I understand you wanted things to get so much better that she would ask you to move back home. It sounds as if she likes your company/ friendship.......else she would not ask you to stay for dinner as often. Do you agree? She just hasn't had the desire to have a more intimate relationship with you, from all appearances. And, as far as you can determine, she is not doing anything specifically to improve that status, right?
Don't underestimate how effective it could be when she suddenly doesn't have you around all the time. When you don't accept every invitation, or go running when she snaps her fingers.......and when you are busy GAL.......it could make a difference in how both of you feel. One thing is for sure......what you've done the past four years has not changed her decision. So.........you need a new plan.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
