I had become a neglectful wife. I discovered when dating my husband he has a high need for physical touch - hand holding, cuddling, touch the back of his neck, rub the top of his head. Not that its sexual just he needs to be touched to feel loved. I knew this. I made a promise to myself when dating I wouldn't drop the ball and would make this a priority.
Married 7yr later with stress of kids and drama from ex we both became complacent, comfortable, each gained 30lbs... you know the story. During all that time I very found my husband very attractive and loved him very much. But, I stopped holding his hand every time he asked. I wasn't cuddling as much and sex became static and vanilla. I even started pulling away when he would hug me because I became self conscious/low self esteem with the weight I'd gained. Gosh, I didn't realize it but I became awful. I would shoo him away when he wanted to come rub my shoulders because I was reading something or trying to get myself together for work.
I swear I didn't realize I had gutted him. I just wanted a moment to myself and he thought I was rejecting him over and over. He would pick up take out and we would sit and watch tv. I would start to knit because it helps relax me. He would reach out to hold my hand and I would implore him to just let me knit. It killed him. To him I was rejecting his very core.
I have since come to a full apology and tried to get him to understand I didn't see how I had hurt him. Of course I've reached out more to touch, caress, hold. He even said a year ago he would have taken all the attention and eaten it up but now it just too little too late. He said he told me (though I just didn't truly "hear" him) and that my continued lack of giving what he needed meant I didn't care.
He is angry. Trying to start arguments over a can of beans or cookies which I don't take the bait. I know he is angry. I left him feeling so alone and rejected he started to dislike and hate who had become.
I've spent the last 3 months working out and dropping weight, reading self help books on why I did what I did and what can I do to repair a relationship that he doesn't want to work on.
A month ago it was that he didn't know what was going to happen in the future. Maybe we worked out/maybe we didn't to now he doesn't want the marriage.
He wants to be alone. He said he didn't spend enough time on his own after his first divorce though he pursued me - dating, moving in and marriage were all his call. He feels that I don't accept his desires in life - his passions. But, I do. I know my husband - he wants to be self reliant, he is a hunter/fisher, an avid outdoorsman. I love all those parts of him but he feels that I don't?
