My husband started acting different in November. He just seemed wore out but certainly not connecting with me. Married 7yr. His second marriage. He had 2 kids and I have 1.
We are a high risk couple. He has a 1hr commute each way to work to the town he grew up in and works in. He chose to move to my town with me and we married. He works 3rd shift and I work days. My commute is 5min. I know he hates the commute but lately its he loathes it. The plan had been the minute my son is out of high school we would move where he no longer had a commute. There is still 2yr left but he can't do it anymore.
He used to say he loved coming home to me. I made it worthwhile to him (several of our neighbors make the same commute of my husband.) He hasn't felt that way in a very long time.
I love my husband but somehow over time and with kids, drama with his ex, life in general and jobs my husband has come to feel rejected by me. He said he couldn't figure out what he had done and for awhile just thought I was angry and he left me alone. He started to hate himself being stuck here with this commute and feeling unloved by his wife. I'm gutted that I didn't have a clue he was so hurt. He even went to feel that I was having an A - but I thought I was loving and devoted to my husband. He felt rejected because I wasn't holding his hand or touching him and it even got to where I was pulling away when he was hugging me (I got self conscious about weight I had gained - which now I have lost in the last 2 months.) He thought I did not want him.
He started looking for houses to buy close to where he works. He said I should have had a clue already. Of course I took a good long hard look at myself and made a full apology. I was working to make changes and he could see that. At Christmas he was holding my hand again. Making gestures like getting a bath ready. The spark in his eye. He asked me to take it slow and that it would take awhile but he seemed on board.
I suppose because I realized how neglected he felt I went overboard with the touching and connecting. I called more on his commute. I texted more on his commute. He would say he was confused by the change in me and I would simply state I wanted to make up for lost time. I know at times it felt smothering to him.
There were too many times discussions ended back that the relationship and he didn't know what he wanted or what the future was going to hold. He told me I was pushing him farther away but I didn't know how to stop.
He said he felt betrayed because if I was able to do all these things now that made him feel loved that I should have been able to do them before. I know he is angry.
He is cold and distant now. He has gone from saying he doesn't have a crystal ball to know what the future holds and if we are still married to not wanting to be married. He states he doesn't love himself so how could he love me?
Of course I offered to move and change jobs. He doesn't want to ask my son to leave because he is so close to graduating high school it would suck for him. My husband has sacrificed enough for me. I told him I would rather live with him in his world than live without him in mine.
I've done my reading - and lots of it to work on my issues and how I let my husband down. I need some sound advice to try to turn this marriage around. No one is having an A. He is still here now and hasn't left yet.
