I think you not only need a plan for telling her you know, but figuring out your boundries, including financial boundries.
I pulled these from Starsky posts. The first is thinking about a boundry, and the second is enforing a boundry.
Originally Posted By: Starsky309
Think of it this way. I saved this post from another poster here named Jayne, who summed up boundaries just about the best and clearest way I've ever read:
Jayne, on “boundaries”:
Think about boundaries like this:
Boundaries are not about controlling the other person, because boundaries are about drawing "circles" around *you* and determining what you will and won't allow inside that circle.
Your WxH can do whatever he wants OUTSIDE that circle. You are not telling him what to do.
But you will only let into that circle people who treat you with respect.
He's free to go on treating you with disrespect, but you won't know about it because he'll be outside your circle. He's free to go on and draw his own boundaries of no expectations and no responsibilities, outside your circle.
He can do WHATEVER he wants. He's a free person, free to make WHATEVER choices he wants.
BUT SO ARE YOU, and you are free to choose who to allow within your circle.
That's all. Not about trying to control him at all. Tell him he's totally free. He has the WHOLE WORLD, outside your circle, to go and do whatever he wants.
If he's saying you have to let him into your circle no matter what, then THAT is about HIM controlling YOU.
Originally Posted By: Starsky309
The first time my then-wayward wife stayed out with "a group of friends" (and it was with a group, but OM was part of the group) she said she "wouldn't be home late," and texted me as I remember about 10:30 that night that she'd be out a little later, and ended up coming home at 11:15 or something.
The second time, she also said she wouldn't be home late, and came home past midnight. I then told her (and this was after I had exposed her affair, so she knew I knew) that "this isn't a hotel, if you're going to be out past midnight don't bother coming home. It's disrespectful to me, and disruptive to the kids to have you coming home that late."
The third time, it was 2am and I had shut all of the house lights off -- inside and out -- and armed the home security system. She got the message, and never did it again.
