With regards to putting in place a formal S agreement, I feel it’s necessary not only for my own good, but also to give my W a dose of reality.
Your actions need to be solely focused on doing what's right for you and the kids. Don't do anything hoping it'll wake your W up, or snap her out of it, or give her a "dose of reality". Because it probably won't, and that'll just leave you disappointed and wondering if you are doing the right thing. If you feel an S is appropriate at this time (who would blame you after a 4 year separation) then by all means proceed. But don't be surprised if your W welcomes the notion of taking this step to end things permanently.
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With regards to the OM situation, I’m keeping that to myself. Exposing may have dire consequences or embolden her to move forward with something that is built on lies. It’ll likely fizzle out over time.
What would you be "exposing", that a woman that has been separated for 4 years finally went out on a date? I doubt anyone would find that shocking or surprising. It's not your job to do that anyway, people will find out. You don't need to be the messenger, that just makes you look like the petty one.
