I won't out her to the church mainly because that would be one more barrier to reconciliation. This is also why I have not confided in any of our friends or family. I said previously that my wife is a runner. If she perceives people (church brothers and sisters, friends, family) think poorly of her she will withdraw from them. And that will be a BARRIER (not an obstacle) to her coming back. I use the term barrier very consciously here.
The good news she is open to information. Willing reading both sides of the equation. She wants to find things that tell her what she is doing is right, but those are few and far between. And she is at least absorbing that most agree that what she is doing is wrong. Not just on moral ground but also on what is best for our daughter. Once I shattered the illusion that our home life was unhealthy (and have maintained the reality that we have a good home life for 8 weeks now), she has realized that the trauma of divorce for our daughter will be similar to what she experienced with her parents (though I have never been physically abusive the way her father was to her mother).
Also, I think over time the fantasy has been fading. She had fantasy of this OM being so good for her ego. Then after he got 3 sets of pictures from her he ended the online EA. She's been very much more careful with OM2, even though he has been very pushy and suggestive. She thought she could get a work-at-home job that would pay enough to sustain her, and allow her to continue to live her double-life. She's finding that isn't as easy as she thought. The cost of housing is higher than she anticipated and that reality has set in. As well as the fantasy of the perfect, easy divorce being shattered.
The result is that she has done nothing since the middle of January to move forward with her plan of the divorce. She worked on her resume but never finished it. Researched jobs but never applied. Obviously has done nothing towards getting a divorce (other than some internet research).
As far as OM and OM2, both are losers. OM is unemployed, sits in his 81 year-old father's house and sings on karaoke apps all day. OM2 is a security supervisor (a fancy name for a security guard that has to supervise the other guards) at about ~$50k/year. Both divorced. OM2 has a kid. Neither are in a position to support a 50 year-old house wife (OM is 39, OM2 is 42), and both have girlfriends. (Note I am not belittling anyone's job sitch, just pointing out that neither of the OM are in a position to take on another dependent.)
That paragraph is very disheartening because it tells me that her lack of options is why she is still here. But if that moves us toward reconciliation than so be it.
As far as the MLC, yes she has unresolved issues. The big one being that when she was 19 she went home during a break at college. Her step-father came into her room in the middle of night, rubbed her back and asked her for sex. Her mom did nothing supportive, wanted to stay with her step-father, and asked my wife to please go back to the way things were before the proposition. Couple that with her unresolved anger at her dad (abusive to her mom, emotionally and verbally abusive to her over the years), and you can see there is definitely triggers for a MLC.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
