Wife on antidepressants, acting strange!

[SteveLW]

A lightbulb went on in my head. She's been on Zoloft for 10 years and Wellbutrin for 5. Couple that with a midlife crisis (she turns 50 next month) and bam. I googled antidepressants and infidelity and the hits were off the chart

My timeline was very similar to yours. At the time of BD I was 50 and my W 48. Married almost 20 years, 3 great kids, W on A/D's for over 10 years. We had a marriage that was the envy of all our friends and family. So BD really shocked me, never saw it coming. I too looked for the "magic bullet", the explanation on why it happened and how to "fix" it. There isn't one. You've got to resolve yourself to the fact that you are not ever going to know why it happened, and that there's no easy fix for it.

Anyone know how long a typical female MLC lasts?

A short MLC would be 2-3 years. A long one would be 8-10 years. Most fall somewhere between. But here's the real kicker, sometimes it's not MLC, it's a "life change". Life change can look exactly like MLC, but the difference is it never ends. It's what my XW went through. She changed into a different person. She's different to everyone- me, our kids, friends and family. It happens around the time menopause starts, different women are affected differently. But a fairly common characteristic is the need to be less of a caregiver and more independent. They've put others' needs first for most of their adult life and now it's time for them. Sometimes a long-term M gets sacrificed in the process.

I am hoping she will wean off the ADs, and that will help with the waywardness IF we can keep her depression in check.

I remember putting my hopes on that too. My XW actually did try to wean off and she spiraled right back into depression and that was the end of that. She is now resolved to being on them the rest of her life.

Look, I know as well as anyone the need to believe there's some magic trick to get out of this and put things "back to normal" but it just doesn't work that way. Look at my timeline, my sitch is old and I've been on here a long time. There has not been a single case on here of a WAS simply "snapping out of it" by taking a different drug, or not taking one she took before. It just doesn't happen. The recons happen after long periods of time in which the LBS detached, became independent, built a life separate from their WAS and left their WAS alone. The WAS has to go through a soul-searching, and at the end of it sometimes they want back and sometimes they don't. You've got to get yourself to the point where you are going to thrive no matter what the outcome.

Thank you. The life change things scares me. I could see this being her situation exactly. I hope her faith in God prevents her from acting on this but so far it hasn't.