I suggested that we try a marriage positive therapist, but that it was only worthwhile if she was on board with it. She said she's consider it and that we'd talk again soon.
Look at your signature:
Bomb 10/2017 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb #2 12/2017 - I forced convo (dumb) it did not go well.
See Bomb #2? How many more of those bombs do you want? Pushing for MC is PRESSURE and right now she wants ZERO pressure from you. You apply pressure then she's just going to BD you again. You've got to give her lots of time. Your sitch is barely 4 months old, it may seem like forever to you but you've just barely started the marathon. Every time you apply pressure you go back to the starting line.
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So on one hand, suggesting that we get out of relationship limbo and doing something that could speed up her timeline to be able to leave may be a mistake. On the other hand, we're communicating openly now, and I'm showing her that I won't stand in her way if she wants to leave. I also feel like if we have a future together, she'll need to be able to get past some of the hurt and anger from the past.
Try not to think of the terms of a future together right now. Think about what your personal goals are and work on those. Detach!
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We left it at "we'll talk again soon". We kissed (sincerely) and said goodnight. It felt we were communicating openly, which is a start.
I don't want to dash your hopes because there is always hope given proper time. But rather, I am trying to get you to temper your expectations. Right now she's two feet out the door and looking forward to her new life of independence. When she says things like "we'll talk again soon" it means absolutely nothing. She's just saying it to appease you. You saw how excited she was about the car, that's because that's a symbol of her new life independent of you. That's where her head is right now and she will be for quite some time. Try to find a deep well of patience!
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The next day she was more positive and affectionate to me, and I reciprocated a bit too hard, then did some "talking about the future". Not good, and she called me on it later in the day.
= pressure! Just keep reminding yourself- ZERO pressure!
