I need advice. Yesterday my WAH had the most productive conversation we have ever had IMHO. He dropped off our youngest D and brought over the excel sheet I sent him with financials. His hands were shaking as he was showing me his additions to the sheet. I had prayed all day about being in tune with the spirit and talk to him. I need help understanding if what I did was pursuing or not. Here is our convo:
Me: I know this is difficult to see all of our hard work broken down on a sheet of paper.
WAH: This has not been easy for me either
Me: You know David I am meeting you were you are. You are asking for a D and I am giving that to you. Although we may disagree on this decision, I am giving you what you are asking for .
WAH: I hope you dont think that I am being malicious but I do not want this. But I believe that this is what WE need
Me: I am going to ask that you use I statements because honestly this is a unilateral decision. I have realized that I do not need you but I love you. Those are 2 different things. Yes it will not be easy but I have to look at our relationship and identify the codependency. I DONT NEED YOU BUT I LOVE YOU. There is a difference.
WAH: (He looks shocked and just nodded and put his head down)
Me: If this is the journey that our marriage needs to take then it is.
WAH: You have never begged for me to stay or groveled and I have appreciated that. I promise that if I ever feel like we can reconcile you will be the first to know whether it is during this process or after.
Me: I am not asking for reconciliation I am asking for both of us to clean up our sides of the street. I DO NOT WANT our old marriage because there was too much toxicity. But I will give you what you are asking for.
WAH: (Remains silent and sad). I may regret it and I know that...
ME: Yes you may and we will see what that looks like but that is a risk YOU are taking.
He then left. I felt so strengthened and strong. It was a mature conversation where I could be vulnerable but not desperate.
