What to Do? 7

[joejoe1]

Chris,

For what I'm reading from you. I sense two things coming from your W. To me she seems to be trying to run away from the damaged she has caused. She thinks you will never be able to move on an accepted her because of what she has done. She also thinks if she gets away from it all she will get some understanding. But the reality is your can't run away from yourself. She caused the damage and no matter she's going to have to deal with her guilt and shame.

If you want to try and save your M then I would do it (it will be a lot of hard work on your part). If you want to walk away you still have done what many people take years to do and that's pick themselves back up after being hurt to their core.

You W needs to put in a lot of work, and she has to want to, it can't be you wanting her to. You all need to go and see a counselor that specify in M.

You can't stop her from walking away, but if you want some actions to take, you can make yourself an open canvas for her to talk about her feelings and emotions. You don't judge or demean her. She has to have time to clear her head, without out any outside influence, that includes you. She has to decide on her own to want back in, and if you are telling her how you feel, it will only cloud her mind more.

Give her space to think, I'm not talking about physical space, but emotional space. Don't include yourself in her feelings when she is talking about how she feels.

For example, if she says, I'm really having a hard time deciding to be in this M, you validate and say, I understand, it can be hard to make a decision about the future when you are feeling the way you feel. You don't say, I want you to stay even thou you want to leave. By saying the first statement, you are not applying pressure to her and you become a listener and not a fixer. She sees you have and understanding, and you aren't worried about your feelings but about hers.

Onward and forward