Amoafwl (really curious about the name change btw)
I like switching it up every now and again. This one stands for "A Man Only A Fool Would Leave".
Originally Posted By: EastTN
If I'm overemphasizing it IS because it happens so damn much.
I think maybe I used the wrong words. To me, her original request wasnt particularly offensive. But you came in here really upset by even the wording of her original question. To me, it is as though you are so put off by everything else shes doing/saying that even reasonable requests seem outlandish and rude. I certainly can understand where you are coming from, and I know that it must be testing every bit of patience that you have. Im just pointing out that it seems very easy for her to rile you up right now - if I were GF, it would be signal to me that you are still attached emotionally somehow.
Originally Posted By: EastTN
I'm exhausted by it. My phone is basically PERMANENTLY on vibrate because just hearing the DING of a text message stresses me out sometimes.
Maybe it's time to stop responding to text and only communicate through the calendar software or email or something?
Originally Posted By: EastTN
As far as the weekday time, she hasn't gotten D in the evenings for months. She's been snarky about it and made a comment to D once about taking her to girl scouts, and I just let it go and don't say anything. I WANT to reiterate: "YOU CAN GET HER ANYTIME DURING THE WEEK!" but I realize that's not going to help, and may make things worse.
Well no - that will clearly not help. Maybe it's less of an issue now, but I know if I were only having overnights with my kids 2 or 3 out of 14 days, it would be very difficult and I can see how she would feel isolated from D's life. Yes, this is based on her choices. No, Im not saying you should be pushing D back to her more. My point is that to me, her erratic behavior doesnt seem so crazy with that limited time. Thats on her to correct, but I wonder if we are too quick to judge and shame her in here.
You say that "She can get her any time during the week" but in the next breath, youre talking becoming less responsive to texts, putting your phone on silent, etc. How about the times when she asked to take D on snow days (during the week), but you already 'claimed' them?
I dont mean to sound like Im on her side or that Im saying youre doing anything 'wrong'. My point is more that we should stop and think about what she might be feeling to understand the situation. We talk about empathy and validation a lot on this site, but Im not really seeing it through this thread.
Originally Posted By: EastTN
GF really isn't happy about XW's seemingly constant presence in my life. It's caused problems. I can't blame her. I read something about people in her position (women who are with men who have a toxic ex) and I see "us" in there, and I feel ashamed for having put her through all of this (especially the crap from last June when I could have gone back to XW). I actually sent the article to my C so we could talk about it and I could better understand and to support GF through having to deal with "her part" (not that she has a part, but she takes enough) of it.
I'm trying to own all of it. I don't know that I'm doing a great job of it, but I try. She hasn't done a thing to deserve any of this except care.
I mean, whats the long term plan here? How are you going to better disentangle from XW so that you can have a proper R with GF?
