Hey sorry its been a few days. I had to go out of town for a close old friend that was sick.
Anyways, a lot has happened. Its all in the same realm of that last time I went to her place to drop of our S library book. Any and all of our interactions have absolutely not been started by me. Which I am proud of. It's hard as hell to pull away from those old tendencies and habits. Especially when I simply miss her. So I'm proud of that one.
I am seeing continuing results from this as well. She seems to get more interested in what I'm doing. She has made a handful of 'jokes' about it too. All just sarcastic jokes, I maybe can't explain it, its just how used to joke around. But again, I'm not starting any of these.
Since I last wrote, I have seen her a little more because she had to switch nights at work. The last 2 times she has come to pick the kids up for the night (which has been 2 our of 3 nights due to work) she has spent an absorbent amount of time here.
First night: W came over to pick kids up once they came home off the bus. I was here, but I wasn't so much 'here' or available. I continued to do the house work I've been doing (fixing somethings, flooring or paint). And chatting with her every now and then. After about 2 hours had gone by where she could have left, she said something outloud like " Well we've been here long enough (past dinner time) we should have just ordered pizza). Me being hungry and low on groceries, I asked if she was serious. If not, then cool but the kids were hungry so I ordered one. <<< I'm not sure if that was the right move
She ended up staying afterwards for a bit and the whole family watched a really good movie together. She was here for about 4-5 hours in total.
Everything was light, she was joking, flirting, laughing. Any interaction we did have, it wasn't lifeless. If that makes sense.
Second night: As stated above, due to schedules he had to come pick up our kids today. She msg me around 10 and asked if she could come early to pick up our S's, and hang out. Internally I was elated, but I didnt know what was my best response. I took a while to respond, and then something popped up around noon that I had to take care of in town, so she came over to watch D while I ran errand. She didnt have to do this, she came about 4 hours earlier than needed.
When I got back about 30 minutes late, she was cleaning the kitchen. I mean everything. I could smell bleach as soon as I stepped in (she's an insane cleaner), the oven top was open and it had been scrubbed etc... I told her she needs to stop and she did as she was about done anyways.
The rest of the night other than how much we interacted (which was a lot compared to last month, all initiated by her) it was a good night. We watched a movie we'd been wanting to see for years. She made so many little jokes, or was cracking smiles/flirtacious... really really flirting. So almost 8 HOURS after she initially came over they had to leave. I kept it too hugs, kisses and ILY to kids, and just said Later to her.
A few hours later she msg me saying thanks for letting her come over and hang out. She started talking about how lonely she is. She cries all the time and cant sleep. She doesnt even know who she is... Our oldest S7 said "I wish we could go back to the good times" and she told me about it. That got me a little shook up.
So after that novel that I just wrote, I wanted to ask this...
Towards to conclusion of the conversation above I said: Me: Wow thats suprising to hear. You've been very light, joking, bubbly anytime you've came to the house this last week. W:Comfortable
Thats all she wrote then changed subject. It only concerns me because since BD, if we had a streak of good days or weeks, she would randomly say that we're going back to 'normal because its 'comfortable'... So i dont know how to take that.
Thanks for thinking of me and my sitch. Thats really awesome, I was worried nobody would want to continue to talk about it.
