New LBS dealing with WW (Part 5)

[Joe2017]

Joe

I am very pleased to hear some of this. Especially about S16 and S14 connecting. That's great news to my ears and eyes and quite unexpected, a good development.

Yes, unmasked the wayward is a very different person and it is frightening. DB is a successful thing for you, it saw you through a tough time, you are becoming a man only a fool would leave AND once you know you will never unknow.

What have you learned to stop being in this position again?

V

Thanks V! I am glad the boys are keeping in touch, even if it's just through SM or TM, or whatever. It's good for them to be able to lean on each other if they have to.

What have I learned to keep from being in this position again? That's a great question.

I think that I learned that keeping a woman's respect engaged is extremely important. I think that in my MR I had very specific challenges in that regard, due to my XW's control issues. It was hard to steer our family when she had to have control of the wheel at all times. I took as much control as I could in as many aspects as I could, but in the end she decided that she didn't want to give up ANY control anymore. I can look back on comments she made mid-year and a couple minor arguments that arose from those comments. I never thought she would stoop to become a cheater, but she did. She then became a very different person because of it.

So in the future? I think I will be more careful. I think I will pay more attention to red flags. I will look at things from a less needy perspective, and I will probably be much much more guarded. Another thing I think will happen is that I will apply DBing concepts to healthy relationships. Even if I marry again, 3 4 or 5 years into it I will still be using some parts of LRT because it is so useful for personal growth.

I will never let a relationship stagnate. I will always do my best to stay ahead of the curve. I will never take a good relationship for granted. I have much more perspective on relationships now. I have especially learned a lot about the woman's perspective from all of our interactions here, and from Sandi too.

From where I'm standing now, my old life is like an island on fire and I'm just watching it smolder while WW stands on the beach holding a torch. I don't know how to make amends with her, because she doesn't want to. She is still offensive and projects her anger on me, even a month after I moved out of the MR. I don't have a lot of hope for recon because she is still out there burning sht down. Maybe one day she will come to her senses. If she does, I will talk to her. If she does not, we will be estranged from now on.

I still have bouts of sadness because of it, but they have become much easier to deal with. This has been a crash course in life. Within the span of three months I have given up two thirds of my life and had to start over from scratch. Myself and my boy are living out of plastic bags because I don't even have any furniture right now. But it is OK because we have a place to stay that is safe from abuse and threats.

I will be able to buy new stuff soon enough.

But I'm doing it all on my own, and I'm doing the best I can now. I am healing, and I can slowly see myself being happy again. It will just take time.