Nice guy Syndrome!

[Element]

Just to clarify, did she ever give you a specified reason for wanting a separation? Did she have a just cause in wanting to S? In other words, were you mean or abusive in any way? Had you been unfaithful? Did you have an addiction? It is very important that we know the cause behind the S. And, if you don't know the cause........then that's important, too.

No to mean/abusive. No to unfaithful. No to addiction. As my telephone coach described it, our problems were of the garden variety/very common. Her reason for separating is that she felt that I stopped loving her and gave up on her. She felt that I had issues I didn't deal it, perhaps not dealing with the fact that we have 2 kids on the autism spectrum. She thinks I'm a great Dad and provider, but not a good husband. I can understand why she felt that, but I never stopped loving her or stopped being attracted to her. If anything I didn't know what to do.

Am I correct in saying you have financially supported your W during the four years of separation? I don't mean child support, but you supported her, as well. Was this the reason she was not forced to find a job to support herself, or was she not physically well enough to work?

That's accurate. She has made some money, but not enough to support herself, I've provided the finances for majority of living expenses. We had agreed that it would be best if she didn't have a full time job while the kids were young so she could be there to support them with school and therapy sessions. She also had physical restrictions in the type of work she could do or the duration of the work (physically she would burnout quickly or with physical discomfort).

Was there ever any other time you S?

No

How long was it between the time second child was born and she had the accident?

5 months

You were already experiencing intimacy problems before the accident, right? So, how well did you cope with little sex after she was left with back pain and headaches? Was her pain continuous, or occasionally?

Yes. She had a tough 2nd pregnancy. Also had a miscarriage between 1st and 2nd child. Physically she was not in good shape from the pregnancy which to me caused a lack of intimacy. To the point I could see her pain when being intimate. Then on top of that she has this accident which made things way worse.