Yeah man! Gotta pull myself back up. I was there just a little while ago, but cycled through some emotions and hit a brick wall that wrecked me. I am feeling better today and thanks to you and others that have helped me reframe my thinking and also given me good 2x4s to keep focusing on myself.
Sugah mama!!! hahahahhahhaha!!! I'll let her buy me some nice clothes, but after this, no relying on no one
Those moments will be there, emotions will hit you at times but it gets more and more scarce as days go by. You can do it man, just continue concentrating on your own life and ditch her from your mind. Don't worry about things you can't change or have an effect on. Nice to see and read all the support you're getting
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
Thanks for dropping by lcause! Haven't seen you around in a while.
Yes, the advice here is always so spot on and nuanced. I am focusing a lot more on myself and making sure that I don't let up on GAL and all of that. I think I am just also not getting used to the new normal of having kids 50% of the time. When they're not with me, it feels like eternity till I have them back. I really hate that and I don't know if I will ever get used to it. I never signed up for that.
Otherwise, I am doing well. I gotta make moves and be the alchemist of my own life and make $hit happen out of thin air
At the climbing gym, I just cold approached a guy and asked if he was interested in being a climbing partner. He looked like he was alone too and so I thought I'd just go up and ask him.
Got to know him a bit and now we'll be climbing every week. I was friendly and open and took the initiative to go and just talk to someone. I have another climbing partner for a different day of the week and so now I have made 2 friendships. They center around climbing but it's something.
I am going to be more bold and start being more out in the world. Part of me being more vulnerable and open has to translate into action in the outside world. I am taking small steps but I want to meet people and make friendships. I choose to be more social and open.
1. To be a committed ex-smoker on a daily basis so that I can keep climbing and being physically healthy.
2. I am improving my physical and mental health each day by working out at least 3 times a week, and going indoor climbing at least 2 times a week, with improved results in strength, agility, and focus.
3. I aim to make improvements in my career in the next 12 months by taking on a larger role on my team, identifying new skill sets and finding opportunities to learn them, and develop a 2-5 year plan for career development and increasing earnings.
4. I am committed to improving my relationship with my children by listening and validating their feelings, and giving them space to participate in decision-making on some things that affect them.
5. I am committed to reading/writing at least once a week. My aim is to finish a short story and send it out for publication by June of this year.
6. I am committed to improving my blood sugars/blood pressure by testing my blood and BP every day, taking the medications as needed, and creating a weekly menu with healthy food and cooking with passion and commitment.
7. I am committed to improving my mental and emotional well being by engaging in reframing my thoughts, understanding and processing emotions, taking a wider perspective, and having self-compassion and gratitude on a daily basis.
How does this list look V?
I'm not V but I LOVE this list!!! Well done Maika! I would just add to come up with sub-items under those main items so you can better focus on what your objectives and measure results. This isn't for post-BD, it's for life We're all works in progress.
My GF came by last night for Valentine's Day, we had a sexy, romantic, steamy evening the likes of which XW and I never had. I always thought my M was great at the time but I was missing out on some things I didn't know I was missing out on, LOL! I'm signed up for the Crossfit Open again, it starts next week. Will be fun to see how much I've improved since last year. I've been bulking in preparation and several guys at the gym have asked me if I'm on steroids, LOL! What's my point? That you've got an amazing life ahead whether your W stays part of it or not.
Hey AS!! Thanks for stopping by. Been a while, but it's always good to hear your thoughts.
Appreciate the suggestion about coming up with sub-items and measuring results. It is for life for reals.
Life with GF sounds just freakin' awesome. Today being V day, it's easy to feel kinda down. But then reading what you wrote, I started thinking about sex life with W and how it was so sub par and how I truly do not want to go back to that. I need a dynamic partner who is fairly comfortable with their body and loves having fun.
Just thinking about that totally pulled me out of my funk because I don't want a R with W where that hasn't changed. That's a big one for me, in part with other things.
So, thanks for the perspective. I am looking forward to having some awesome time between the sheets with someone way more dynamic.
Good on you for signing up for the Crossfit Open. I just caught the docs on Netflix and man I am hooked. I can't afford right now to join a crossfit gym, but I am working out at home and as soon as my financial situation improves, I am joining one. Not just for the fitness aspect, but also for the community aspect.
Crossfit Games are so inspirational - huge part of how I was able to quit smoking and stay on the wagon. I want to be able to lift and have endurance again. I am rediscovering my athletic self that I had during my teens and early 20s - it's fantastic.
I am looking forward to making my life even more amazing than it is now. I am inching towards a good place and me being an emotional wreck this week was a good reminder of how much mental work and detachment I still need to go through.
I just want to second CrossFit as the way to go. I started in December based on AS's recommendation and I fuching love it. I have worked on in a gym for years by myself with my headphones and it got monotonous.
CrossFit is totally different. It's very sociable and the workouts are different everyday. Other members encourage you to be better. I can already notice the muscles building in my legs that I would not do in the gym because I didn't like working on legs. Now I am forced to and loving the results.
It is a little pricey but is definitely worth it if you can swing it.
Thanks LH! Yeh, I know that I am going to love it and I am definitely going to join. There is one close enough to where I live and the reviews are stellar for the location and the trainers. It's quite a bit out of my financial range right now, but I am planning re jigging some stuff and start in summer.
I saw the docs on the Crossfit games on Netflix too and I knew that this is what I wanted to do. I will never make it to the games, but I want to Crossfit and train hard. I used to be super athletic and I want to get back there.
I am cooking my abs in the kitchen!!! Now need to follow that up with some rigorous workouts
It's pretty great. We've been together 3 years now. It hasn't all been smooth sailing, but overall it's been an awesome experience!
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Today being V day, it's easy to feel kinda down. But then reading what you wrote, I started thinking about sex life with W and how it was so sub par and how I truly do not want to go back to that. I need a dynamic partner who is fairly comfortable with their body and loves having fun.
I don't want to turn the forums X-rated but W and I always had what I thought was a pretty good sexual relationship. But holy cow, the experiences I've had since our D, wow. I mean WOW. I've dated some really beautiful young women that are major pleasers. I've lived every fantasy I ever had as a hormone-raging kid and then some, haha! At first I could scarcely believe these women were attracted to me, I think after BD we tend to feel like no one wants us and we're just pathetic, ugly losers. But once you start to realize there's a whole slew of women that are highly attracted to mature, successful men and you EMBRACE it and OWN it then the world is your oyster. When you do get around to dating I have an important tip for you- not every woman will find you attractive. Maybe you're too short, or too tall, or don't have enough hair, or have too much or whatever. THAT IS NOT REJECTION. It's just a mismatch. Skip her and move on. Too many guys take every mismatch personally and build up all kinds of crazy resentment over nothing. But look at it this way, if you have to meet 10 women to find 1 that is CRAZY for you then who cares what the other 9 think.
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So, thanks for the perspective. I am looking forward to having some awesome time between the sheets with someone way more dynamic.
It will happen when you are ready!
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Not just for the fitness aspect, but also for the community aspect.
Exactly why I recommend it, a few months in you'll have a whole other family. I'm so busy that I don't do much with them outside of the gym, but there are a lot of opportunities for that as well.
Originally Posted By: LH19
I just want to second CrossFit as the way to go. I started in December based on AS's recommendation and I fuching love it. I have worked on in a gym for years by myself with my headphones and it got monotonous.
CrossFit is totally different. It's very sociable and the workouts are different everyday. Other members encourage you to be better. I can already notice the muscles building in my legs that I would not do in the gym because I didn't like working on legs. Now I am forced to and loving the results.
It is a little pricey but is definitely worth it if you can swing it.
Awesome, glad to hear you're enjoying it! Agree with you on the legs, I was never big on doing legs at the gym but you have no choice in xfit, LOL! I was just driving in this morning thinking my work slacks are so tight in the quads/ hamstrings that soon I'll have to start getting tailored pants (I've needed tailored shirts for years). If you didn't sign up for the Open then I highly encourage you to do it, even if you don't think you're ready when next year rolls around you will be, and you'll wish you had the data from this year to compare your progress to.
Regarding the price, just for anyone out there reading this that doesn't know much about xfit, there is a lot of hands-on attention from coaches in the classes. So while it is more expensive than a traditional gym it is cheaper than a personal trainer. And while personal trainers are really just about pushing you to work hard, xfit trainers will coach you in proper form and technique in olympic-style lifting. It's money very well spent in my opinion.
You always come through AS!!!! Thanks for giving me a good glimpse of what is possible on the other side. I am looking forward to getting to a place where I will be ready to venture out in the dating world. Right now I am just focusing on my goals and meeting people and being social.
The pricing for Xfit definitely puts people off initially, but you're right. It is hella cheaper for what you're getting - access to amazing equipment and pro trainers who help you with your form and technique and coaching. It is actually quite a bargain when I calculate how much it would cost for me to get a personal trainer on top of a gym membership. Xfit is definitely worth the price. I would say that it is underpriced for what you're getting.
I am making some financial adjustments soon and joining this xfit gym by summer - there is absolutely no doubt about that. My blood pressure is in range now and that is what I was worried about most - I didn't want to crap out during a workout and end up in emergency. But, now with working out at home and upping my cardio slowly, I am going to be okay.
I am just trying to repair my ego. The negative self talk hasn't been good mentally and I am trying to find out ways to get out of the mental funk. I am doing better, but I need to meet more people and do some more GAL.
