Don't give WW a choice. Yes, delighted you can take D, she will love it as you can see from the online calender I swapped weekends. Enjoy the weekend and have fun.
Or
We have plans that weekend already as you can see from the online calender.
Get that online calender going and you use it.!
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
You could always have asked D what she would have liked to do. Since they were events for her.
I know your sitch is a little different because you have a very adversary ex. But when it comes down to stuff like that, ask D what event she would like to do. The girl scouts movie wasn't for you enjoyment.
it's a learning curve.
And I am sounding like a parrot here but you need something more than an INTERIM parenting plan........
That being said, my rule of thumb for swapping is considering both of our plans, which already had solid commitments and the such, and what would make my daughter happy.
And, personally, if my ex wants my daughter for an extra weekend day, for some event, I don't always swap unless we have something going on. I have her so much more than he does, he is free to keep her an extra day. Although he usually wants the swap......
We have plans that weekend already as you can see from the online calender.
I'm VERY hesitant to go that route. Right now the calendar says "with daddy" on that weekend. Doing what you're suggestion sounds like it just gives XW a weapon to further beat me over the head with. "You don't have plans on that weekend, so you should let me do what I want!" or "I don't think you should take D to a tractor pull" or whatever (I don't think I would take D to a tractor pull, but you see what I mean).
I thought parallel parenting was "you do you thing and I do my thing?" How does giving XW more insight into my life help that? Not being a smartass here, I'm really just wanting to better understand this.
You could always have asked D what she would have liked to do.
I honestly thought about that. I felt like it came down to asking "do you want to be with mommy or daddy this weekend?" which seemed like a bad position to put D in.
You could always have asked D what she would have liked to do.
I honestly thought about that. I felt like it came down to asking "do you want to be with mommy or daddy this weekend?" which seemed like a bad position to put D in.
Well, sure, if you put it that way!
This is my honest take, and this is how I work it. If my plans were 50/50, I would give my D the sure fire shot to do something that isn't everyday like a Disney event with friends and family. I would have told her yes.
Now if something solely child related fun related comes up in the future and you haven't solidified anything yet I would present it to your D as "would you like to watch a movie with the girsl scouts, or go see Disney on ice?"
Not which parent would you rather spend time with.
Let me tell you, at 10 years old now, my daughter wants to go where the fun is at. A lot of times that is with neither of us and with her friends. I do believe in honoring commitments, but if she gets an invite and there is no solid plans, I tell her to go "have fun!"
I get ditched a lot for friends. And it makes me happy to see her having these friendships
I think you're right. I'll keep it in mind for the future.
I feel stupid now and like I messed up by waiting a few days to figure out if our plans were set.
I also feel like if it were XW's weekend, I would have told her something like "hey, did you know Disney is in town this weekend? I bet D would love that" rather than saying "Hey, Disney is in town and I want to take her, let me have Saturday"
Stop, you didn't mess anything up. You are learning.
Of course if it were exW's weekend you would have worded it another way. Look at who you are dealing with. That's why often you will have to take exW out of the decision process and just put D in it.
And did she LET ME or CAN I. Because you worded it both ways in two different posts.......
I also feel like if it were XW's weekend, I would have told her something like "hey, did you know Disney is in town this weekend? I bet D would love that" rather than saying "Hey, Disney is in town and I want to take her, let me have Saturday"
Really? Theres NO WAY Im making that kind of email to my XW. There are plenty of things I see that I think my elementary aged kids would like, but if it's not on my day, then I kinda just say "oh well." I kinda feel like you are overemphasizing some of XW's comments (which I understand because they seem SO frequent). But I know I would be upset if I were in her shoes asking to go to this cool thing and the response was wishy-washiness for a couple days until it was too late.
I wonder if this is residual from the parenting plan where she can kind of just 'ask' for time whenever she wants it. Where do those boundaries begin and end....
I am also curious how your GF is handling all of this. If I were dating someone that was having this much aggravated communication with their ex, it would be a big red flag for me. My relationship with my ex is certainly not on good terms, but Id say that we only have any real issue every 6-8 weeks. If there were something going on a few times every week, I cant imagine she would stay. This constant power struggle has got to be exhausting for everyone involved.
Ginger, it was "can I?" Second one was a paraphrase, and I realize now it was a poor one. Dammit.
Amoafwl (really curious about the name change btw) I can see how she might be upset. If I'm overemphasizing it IS because it happens so damn much. I'm exhausted by it. My phone is basically PERMANENTLY on vibrate because just hearing the DING of a text message stresses me out sometimes. As far as the weekday time, she hasn't gotten D in the evenings for months. She's been snarky about it and made a comment to D once about taking her to girl scouts, and I just let it go and don't say anything. I WANT to reiterate: "YOU CAN GET HER ANYTIME DURING THE WEEK!" but I realize that's not going to help, and may make things worse.
GF really isn't happy about XW's seemingly constant presence in my life. It's caused problems. I can't blame her. I read something about people in her position (women who are with men who have a toxic ex) and I see "us" in there, and I feel ashamed for having put her through all of this (especially the crap from last June when I could have gone back to XW). I actually sent the article to my C so we could talk about it and I could better understand and to support GF through having to deal with "her part" (not that she has a part, but she takes enough) of it.
I'm trying to own all of it. I don't know that I'm doing a great job of it, but I try. She hasn't done a thing to deserve any of this except care.
