J…. I just feel like she left me behind and now her life is all rosy. I know it’s my perception of what’s going on with her, and I believe it is my projection of some things that I want out of life as well. Mostly some more financial success. She always made more than I did, which never bothered me and still doesn’t. In the marriage, I figured that she will always make more than me, and with her taking the financial stability of the family as her responsibility, I could focus on some things for myself and take care of the kids and family related stuff while still having a job. But, now, I recognize that I need to increase my income to be able to save for my retirement and for the kids futures. I feel she’s ahead in all of that and her walking away destroyed all of that.
I like how you reframed the ‘feeling discarded’ train of thought. That’s amazing what you said to her outside the courthouse and her reaction to it. Reading that made me realize that is exactly how I am feeling too – wanting a D because I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t respect, love, or want me for who I am.
I think I am cycling in and out a bit and reality is definitely starting to set in. I went climbing last night and it was a good way to get all of this out. I pushed myself a bit more than I should’ve, but I need to take that anger out. Going again tonight and getting more out of my system.
Slater….. man, one of the things that I had a very hard time with was being vulnerable and more open with people. I am trying to do a 180 on that (slowly)… I didn’t want to go from being a closed person to someone who just vomits out everything. But, I started taking smaller risks with people and letting them in and seeing how it goes. So, I followed the same thing for this board and it has been cathartic and useful for me. Everyone here spends time reflecting on my sitch and providing thoughtful comments.
I have tried really hard to think of the past to see if there were signs that I missed about her state of mind and what she was going through. And I have to say that I can think of some small conversations about things that were tangential, but now when I look back and reflect on them, I think they were hints about her state of mind that I completely missed. But, it was so obtuse that I don’t know how I would’ve picked up on it. We seriously had communication issues.
I know that I will be okay and she will have to live with the fact that she just made the lives of my kids less full and joyous. I don’t know how that option is better than at least trying to work on it. Yeah, the reality of the kids lives drastically different than what I was hoping for and planned.
Vapo….. thanks for the reminder. I have read DB and DR. I don’t mean to get defensive, but I take your 2x4s as sometimes you do need the kick in the a$$ to get back to the basics. I know what I contributed to the marriage breakdown and I have been working on it for a while now. I was doing well emotionally and mentally, and then suddenly fell of the wagon and didn’t understand why. But you’re right, I need to bring my focus back onto me and keep moving forward. I am getting my a$$ in gear 
Vanilla…… Thanks for the edits and fixes. List looks great. I will definitely put this up on a board with what you recommended. Visual cues are so helpful. Reframing… reframing…
Overall, I am happy with who I am and I know where I need to make improvements for myself. I know what I bring to the game! I just need to validate myself more, and practice self-compassion and self-love. J… that last post is MONEY!!! Thanks!
