Just to clarify, did she ever give you a specified reason for wanting a separation? Did she have a just cause in wanting to S? In other words, were you mean or abusive in any way? Had you been unfaithful? Did you have an addiction? It is very important that we know the cause behind the S. And, if you don't know the cause........then that's important, too.
Am I correct in saying you have financially supported your W during the four years of separation? I don't mean child support, but you supported her, as well. Was this the reason she was not forced to find a job to support herself, or was she not physically well enough to work?
Was there ever any other time you S?
How long was it between the time second child was born and she had the accident? You were already experiencing intimacy problems before the accident, right? So, how well did you cope with little sex after she was left with back pain and headaches? Was her pain continuous, or occasionally?
As soon as you can answer these questions, I will respond to the other things you've posted.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
