Wife on antidepressants, acting strange!

[sandi2]

I went through an experience much like your W. I was very depressed, on AD's, and as a way of escaping boredom, I began playing computer games. Eventually, I became brave enough to try an online game. In the beginning, whenever anyone tried to flirt, I would immediately disconnect from the game. Then one night this really funny guy was playing. He never said anything inappropriate. We soon were playing the game nearly every evening when I got home from work. It was easy talking and laughing with him. It wasn't long until I realized I could hardly wait to get online and talk with him. In fact, it became more talk than game playing. He was filling an emotional need I had had for a long time.

He warned me about falling in love with him, and I laughed and called him arrogant. Fact is, he was far more experienced about how easily EA's begin from something as simple as playing online games. It's not the game, it the rapport you build with the other person. I was not in love with him, but he filled a very lonely part in my life at the time. Anyway, he stopped connecting, and I was confused by the feelings I was experiencing. I am embarrassed to say that I was soon looking for someone else to fill that hole I felt he had left. It led to behavior that was completely opposite of the person I had always been in life.

Eventually, my H discovered my online activity. By then, I was having an EA...or Internet A, if you will. It had become serious.......at least, for me. I say serious, b/c of the emotional/mental state I was in at the time. I, too, was anti-depressants, along with other medication. I had been yanked around with doctors trying to find something to help me cope with Fibromyalgia. At the time, it seemed every doctor had their own theory about the illness. So, one doctor would put in on too much medication, and the next doctor would pull me off everything at once, cold turkey.

How much this had to do with my decisions and behavior, I really don't know. My M had been suffering for years. We had been dealing with several serious stressors for a long time. Then, my adult D and grandchild had to move in with us for a while, and that seemed to have been the straw that broke my back. I had an overwhelming desire to escape. In hindsight, I can see how everything worked together in making the dominos fall.

I have never used the medication as an excuse, and I take full responsibility for my actions. I believe everything that was going on with me, and everything going on around me, was a heavy influence. However, I was still on medication as I went through withdrawals. By that, I don't mean withdrawals from the AD's, but from the EA with the OM........and especially, the fantasy I created to escape my reality.

Your W is addicted to all of this online activity that she has created to fill her life. I learned the hard way, that a person can do one thing that may be considered a little "no-no".......like flirting with a faceless stranger you'll probably never meet.......and it forms a desire to do more. In other words, when you give in to a smaller temptation, you become more receptive to bigger temptations. Just like a drug that gets you high, it requires you going further and taking more. In order to get the same thrill, you have to get bolder, try new & daring things. Before you know it, you are off into something that you never dreamed of doing. It's all to just get a cheap feel-good moment. It's similar to going to a bar and looking at what's out there. A hookup usually begins with flirting, but look at where it can lead. The danger with meeting online, is the false sense of protection you feel on this side of the computer, but that's another subject.

Your W may not be able to ever engage in the online activities, and use the apps that leads her into unbidden territory. Currently, it is a temptation that she can not handle. She will have to completely stay away from everything that opens a door to that sort of activity. It may sound ridiculous to people who have never had the experience. It is real, and we are hearing more and more tragic results from this sort of activity.......especially in MR's.

It wasn't just the online junk I had to end. I gave up reading romantic novels, as well. Surprisingly, even my H could tell they were having some type of affect on my attitude toward him. You may ask what on earth is wrong with romantic novels. Nothing is wrong with them, just as there is nothing wrong with playing an innocent computer game. But for me, it fed my fantasies. I had a lot of unmet emotional needs in my MR, and I hungered for a man like I read about in the stories. After years of reading these novels, it actually caused me to see my H in a more critical light, b/c I was comparing him to some fictional character. I know how immature or slightly insane this must sound, and it is difficult for me to share this truth. I only do it in hopes that others will learn something from it.

The bottom line is that I had a wayward mindset. That was the foundation to most of the other problems. Although for years I had conducted myself as the proper Christian W and mother, however, I was very unhappy in my MR. I had tried to do everything I could learn that would improve things, but nothing changed my H. That was what I wanted, really, for him to change. Anyway, I slowly gave up and began retreating into my fantasies........which can have a serious outcome. I was one of the lucky or blessed people, that something worse did not happen as a result from the online stuff. And, my M was saved.......thanks to God, and to finding this board that had the mentors I needed.

We don't have much history about your MR, but I would bet she had resentment and some disrespect stored in her heart for some time. The depression and effects from the wrong AD's rapidly intensified problems.......and perhaps played a part in her behavior. Currently, you are left with a W in a mess! I wish you all the luck in the world. It will not be easy for either of you, but she can get back on the right track......and your M can be saved.

I hope you will stick with us, and post often. This forum has a lot of caring folks.






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