The last few days have been up and down. Still separated under the same roof, H sleeps out in his hunting trailer. All last week H has been coming home extremely late (after 9:30 pm), when he's off work usually between 4 and 6. I don't ask where he's been, he did say at one point early last week that he was helping someone work on a project (power tools and wood were involved).

He told me Friday morning before work that he was going to leave his vehicle in town at a friend's house (we live about 40 minutes north of town in the mountains), his friend would drive him home that night, then Saturday morning he was going to ride his motorcycle (followed behind by same friend) down to a mechanic about 3 hours away. Friday night he didn't come home until long after I was asleep, and he was up extremely early Saturday morning (before I was awake) to leave on his motorcycle. No contact at all, which I expected.

Saturday I had plans to take the kids to the movies, part of my new GAL. We never go to the movies, with so many kids it gets expensive. But I had some movie passes and gift cards that I'd been holding on to for a long time, H never wanted to see any of the movies the rest of us did (I did invite H earlier in the week to go with us, before he said he was dropping his Harley of for repairs). Anyway, nice time with the kids. I enjoyed spending time with 3 of them. Sent TM to H to let me know when he arrived at destination safely. 6 hours later he did, also said he would be back sometime in the morning to take s16 shopping.

Saturday evening uneventful. I was coming down sick, starting to hit me hard, so I just went to bed early.

Sunday rolls around. S16 didn't tell me that he sent H TM that he didn't want to go shopping until next weekend. H and I had appointment at the gun range at 2pm for me to practice (the only time he will spend alone with me, he likes shooting and watching me learn to shoot). I was pretty sick by this point, was going to tell H when he came home to go to the range without me. He never came home, didn't hear from him until 1:15 (remember, I didn't know s16 already rescheduled their shopping trip). Anyway, I told H I was sick and not up to shooting, said I was to going to tell him when he got home that morning. Then s16 tells me their trip is rescheduled, which is why H hadn't come home yet. H was mad that I hadn't told him earlier. So that was just one big communication mess.

I also told all the kids earlier in the week that I wanted weekly family dinners on Sunday evenings, and make sure they're home. Also told our "adopted" D19 to be there, she lives 45 minutes away, don't get to see her much. All kids said fine, father-in-law said good (he lives with us, well, in a mobile at the back of our property). Told H all kids will be there, would be nice for him to join us. He did join us, but an hour late. Don't know why I'm surprised, he's never on time. Anyway, when he did finally show for dinner, he saw everyone waiting, including D19 (she also brought her new girlfriend to meet us). He said to me that if he had known we had company for dinner he would have made it a point to be on time. WHAT?? You'll only be on time for company and not just because it's the right thing? I reminded him that I did tell him ALL the kids would be here for dinner.

Anyway, after dinner I went to lay down, was feeling even sicker at this point. Everything pretty uneventful until yesterday. I stayed home from work sick. And in a moment of weakness sent H TM during the day that I miss him, and I know we can rebuild our R. He was actually off work early yesterday, home by 4:30. I was in bed, so didn't matter. But he was just angry over random things. S19 bought an old vehicle that he was going to turn into a offroad toy (back story, there are a few vehicles in back property, one is S19's first truck that he's selling, one is parts vehicle, then we have H's off road toy, and wrecked parts vehicle for that, and also s16 project classic vehicle). H was mad that starting to look like junk lot out back. I told him that all of you guys have projects back there, why is one person's project more annoying than his? He said it just proves that it's no longer his house, it's mine and the kids', and he doesn't care anyway because he's moving out on the 1st. I said if you didn't care you wouldn't be so angry about it. I asked why he is so angry all the time, he just said because he's an angry guy.

I can see that he is depressed, he's angry, and he's pushing everyone away. I just don't get it.

Did all of this really start because I don't (didn't) communicate my emotions enough with him, and show him enough affection/attention? He's taking it out on everyone.