Nice guy Syndrome!

[Element]

Sandi - in addition to above, I’ll respond to this

If she is a WW, then I’m sure she is not going to like any agreement that is actually "fair" to both of you. It sounds as if you have spoiled her in many ways. If so, then she's not going to be happy about giving up anything.

Back when we first separated, I felt she was a classic WAW. I’d say our separation is definitely not the norm. I’ve been there for the kids, our home, and for her. How close we’ve been has varied, but an example is that we just went away as a family for 10 days. There’s hasn’t been proper detachment, from both sides. This is why I feel she is acting more like a WW now that she’s pursuing this OM. This guy is likely not going to give up his life with W he shares a business with and their 3 kids so he can be with my W. Seems pure fantasy to me, and probably more of a tryst for him.

The other day when she was crying, when she got all down on herself, she also said “you said you’d take care or me”. Previous meltdowns she has said “just promise me you won’t take the kids away from me. They’re my life”. To me that’s just an absurd thing to think. The law if anything would dictate equal rights. Perhaps she doesn’t even want me to take them half time, I don’t know as she’s never explicitly said that.

She has also said that she feels bad that I have to live at my parents and that I should have my own place. I had told her that’s not really feasible unless we formally separate/divorce and sell the house. She then at one point says maybe we could get a couple of condos or townhouse/row houses near each other. Just crazy stuff. She has waffled over the separation years by saying “we need to sell the house, I can’t keep up with the maintenance, I need to get a smaller place” to then talk about renovations, painting, upgrading the garden, etc. Then waffling back and forth between usage of “my place” and “our home”.

So at any rate, I’m working on putting together a proper separation agreement with the help of a friend who recently separated and has a legal agreement. Not sure how far I’ll go as I do want to wait and see what the response is. For instance, forcing us to sell the house now will be very stressful not just for her, but me and my kids (primary concern is kids).