Maika, dude, you post with your heart man. You have no compunction about putting on this board how you really feel. Good for you! Even to strangers, that must be hard. Hard to admit your ego is bruised, that she seems to have discarded you without a second thought...all those feelings, wow. I feel more empathy for you than most.
I wonder what your ex would say. Would she tell a different story? Would she say she tried for years but couldn't get through? Maybe, but in my view...having only heard your side...she is a fool, mainly because of your children and their ages. And she's not happy, no way, not buying that. She has to present that image to the world, why do you think that pic was the one chosen for the world to see? She has to know that her life and the lives of her children are going to be a little less full as a result of her decision. And harder still as a result of knowing that you were willing to make an effort, to show her all you've learned and that your family was worth the effort...but she resisted all the same (assuming she doesn't do a 180 in the next few months). That will be very difficult for her to live with as the years go by...and she may look different at times but I've noticed at other times you can catch a glimpse and they are exactly the same person, just older and a little more worn from the experience.
And Joseph9, how do you do it dude? You are the king of DB'ing! You seem to take it all in stride with little or no setbacks, no anger, no regret and no punitive behavior. You also seem to have resigned yourself to it being done, maybe because as you say, she has shown you nothing to suggest she's coming around. She is, by her conduct, done and done. Maybe that makes it easier, because it doesn't seem to bother you in the slightest.
I know we are supposed to be happy for them if they are happy, makes them a better mother (father) and all that, but how do you do it? How do you not harbor some anger that your kids are growing up with each of you only in their lives half-time? The things your kids will now be denied due to financial constraints that would have never been a factor and is not at all their doing.
Don't mean to depress anyone here but these are the realities of young families breaking apart.
The two of you are about on the same timeline, have similar sitches, and are both doing all the right things. I have to think that one or both of you will reconcile (or at least have the opportunity if you want it), but it may be too late for your exes, and for J9's, it may already be too late.
Good luck you two, I hope the best for you and your families.
