I want to tell the other posters to please forgive me as I didnt read the whole thread.
G, I calls it as I sees it..and the truth is..I get it. Not the part where you want to feel the way you did with the other men because I think we feel differently with whomever we are with and depending on the depth of the relationship. I mean the part about needing to feel some kind of attraction.
Can it develop over time? Yea. But I kind of think that your gut tells you a lot.
Having said that..I think you should go out for a second date. Maybe he was nervous. Maybe you weren't really into it. Wouldn't hurt.
But I don't think you are especially particular. There are a lot of men in this world...most of which I would not want a relationship with. I know me. I know what I want and what I don't. It isn't an extremely long list but an important one. And on this..i don't think one should settle.
You know, I think you do get yourself a little in a certain mindset. You are hopeful. I dont think there is anything wrong with that. The problem lies where being hopeful turns into something more.
But you are you...and I dont think you need to change that.
I do think you have to try to stop thinking about those old relationships. That gets you into trouble. You will never have those same exact feelings for someone else because they are unique to you and each of those men.
When I have fallen in love, it didnt feel the same with each.
As far as getting yourself stuck in a certain mindset...I do the same at times. I am there now. And sometimes wallowing a little bit helps me. I'm allowed. I cant always be the strong person who handles everything that is thrown at me. Sometimes I just need to vent and sit in it all for awhile.
As long as I dont live there.
I think for those of us who have had lifetimes filled with one disappointment after another, and having been abandoned at a young age and then again from the most important people in our lives..it leaves you with some issues. I know for me, after a lifetime of struggles and disappointment I do sometimes wait for the other shoe to drop a little more often than I like.
Can you get stuck in a cycle? Ayep. But you recognize you are and that is the important thing.
As someone who knows you in real life...I have seen who you are. What you show here is but a small part of it.
I think if I were to tell you anything it would be this. Live in the moment more. I mean really live in it. Dont look ahead...dont look behind..just live today. See what unfolds.
It's hard to do. I have to try really hard to do it. And I am not successful a lot of the time. But I try...every day.
I always said you are way too hard on yourself. Just look at what you have accomplished...most importantly that wonderful girl of yours.
